At seven months old, my baby boy was diagnosed with a peanut allergy. Although we were pretty positive this was the case, when the allergist shared the official news, my heart shattered. For seven months, I did everything in my power to protect this tiny human and give him the fullest life, and there I was, sitting in a sterile room, imagining all the things he would miss out on in his future. Peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter cups, baked goods made in a facility that “may contain peanuts.” I thought about how he would not be able to take a cupcake at his friends’ birthday parties without asking to check the label. I began preparing to teach him to advocate for himself and make his allergy known at a young age.
Then I drove to the pharmacy to pick up his newly prescribed EpiPen. This quickly transitioned my heartbreak into pure fear. I feared him picking up food I hadn’t directly given to him, worrying it would cause a reaction. Grocery store visits immediately became longer as I stood in the aisles, reading every label three times and searching the brands to see if there was any chance the product was produced near peanuts. And as he was so young when he was diagnosed, there were so many other foods he had yet to try. This caused anxiety with introducing each food going forward, worrying that he would react to something else too and another allergy would be added to his medical charts.
Today, the hardest part is when my son is with someone other than me or my husband. Trusting others to be as careful as us, to wash their hands after eating a food he can’t have, to check the labels, to not just give him a bite of whatever they are eating; but I am getting the hang of it. I am learning the brands we can and cannot keep in our house, making grocery shopping easier again. I have perfected my spiel to caregivers and waiters, making sure they know the gravity of the situation. I have started sharing more about the foods he needs to avoid with my now toddler, preparing him to one day take ownership of his allergy.
To all you mamas out there discovering, grieving, treating, living with your child’s allergy, I see you.
