I am pretty sure there is a “Mommy Heaven” somewhere out there. It’s a simple place. A getaway, a haven of sorts for over-worked, under rested mothers who do it all. I often go to this Mommy Heaven in my head after a long week at work or with my family. I hear stories from friends about their craziness and know that they too know of this special getaway. There may be some small differences, but in the end mommy heavens across the world probably look very similar.
For instance, your out-of-office message is always on; so no need to bring your laptop to Mommy Heaven. And while we’re at it, your phone only allows you to make calls, not accept them. So you can check in on the kids and hubs at your leisure.
The DVR is full of the best of TV’s guilty pleasures…Real Housewives of wherever, HGTV, This Is Us and even every single episode of Laguna Beach that you have been dying to catch up on. (We won’t tell!) In Mommy Heaven you can workout if you want or not. But if you do, there are no interruptions. So take that yoga class or go on that 7-mile hike you have wanted to try. Its all fair game in Mommy Heaven.
In Mommy Heaven, laundry doesn’t exist either. Or better yet, it’s done for you. No need to stress as you see it pile up day-by-day or worry about how there has been a load in the dryer for at least five days now. No, no, it’s taken care of for you. Voila!
In Mommy Heaven, the clothes also fold themselves and there sure as hell aren’t any mismatched socks. No, every sock is accounted for and its life changing.
In this special place, there isn’t a husband to ask “what’s for dinner” or to request you go find that special breakfast sausage he likes that no one seems to carry anymore. (Why do stores insist on killing me like this?) No, your husband is picking up the kids in Mommy Heaven and has it handled ladies. Take a breath!
In mommy heaven, your dining room table looks like a Restoration Hardware catalog every day. No boxes of diapers, clothes that fit 6 months ago or shoes for every occasion. Oh no, there isn’t room for clutter in Mommy Heaven.
And since your house is always impeccable in Mommy Heaven, someone is able to decorate it for you for the forthcoming holiday at exactly the perfect time! No more Christmas décor up in March. Can I get an AMEN!
In this dreamland the dishes are clean. Washed and put in the cupboard. The dishwasher is empty and we even use cloth napkins and real plates for dinner every night. (I’m mean someone else is cleaning up, so why not?)
There are no grocery lists, no empty milk jugs in the refrigerator and certainly no spoiled food from two weeks ago. It’s all clean and spotless too.
The Mommy Heaven I dream of has a fountain of wine that flows like the chocolate river in Charlie and Chocolate Factory. And while I’m at it, there are definitely no calories there either.
In my special place, there’s always time for the important stuff and definitely no time for the drama. No missing music class or soccer games. Mom and dad are both there, front and center. But rest assured ladies, there are no games at 7 am on a Saturday or cross-country races in 95-degree heat and a pouring rain either. While we’re at it, your kiddos also sleep like rock stars, never whine and have great manners. Yes, its that good.
I go here sometimes to this mommy heaven in my head. But then I realize, I wouldn’t be me without the chaos and stress and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, sometimes I feel bad about the endless piles of laundry, the Pinterest DIY projects I pin, but will never attempt and my lifetime supply of Mac and Cheese on rotation for dinner every other night. But hey, it’s worth it.
Like I said, there are others like me. Like my friend with 6 month old twins and a full time job who still manages to keep it together and have dinner on the table at 7:30, even after a sleepless night and an up and back to Chicago. Or my other gal pal with three kiddos. Girlfriend booked her ticket to mommy heaven last week after her oldest was battling her third bout of lice in so many weeks and another had strep throat, all on top of a killer week at work. Poor mom.
But I love my perfectly imperfect life and wouldn’t have it any other way. And I’m confident my other mom friends feel the same way. However its nice to know that when we feel the stress coming on, we can always go to Mommy Heaven for a quick getaway.
So next time you forget its picture day at school or are running late for that morning meeting because someone spit up all over your freshly dry cleaned suit, feel free to join me for a getaway. I got you though because in Mommy Heaven frequent flyer miles are unlimited and the drinks are on me. Cheers ladies!