As a seasoned mama with two babies under my wing, I find myself in the “in-between.”
I’m not surrounded by the community that often comes with being a first-time parent, but I also have rhythms and systems in place that make the daily grind easier. Here’s the thing: just because you are not a first-time mom, it doesn’t mean you don’t need the same amount of love.
What do I mean by this?
We need to support parents in any capacity we can with the same enthusiasm that we show first-time parents. This goes beyond throwing them a baby shower or liking their announcements on social media; we have to make sure that the seasoned parents feel heard and seen as well because experience does not always equate to easier parenting. Sometimes, I find it easier to mask my emotions because it isn’t my first rodeo; I can hide things easier, and I also feel like the people around me aren’t watching as closely because I supposedly know what I’m doing.
What does supporting a seasoned mama look like?
It is leaving a bag of snacks on the front porch. They don’t have to be fancy, but when the older kids are creating masterpieces of chaos, having snacks ready to wrangle them is one less thing to worry about. This is a low-stress, low-intrusion way to show you care, and a seasoned mama will love you for it.
Buy them dinner and have it delivered. This goes with the snacks, but not having to figure out dinner sometimes makes a big difference for me. I make decisions all day, so to have dinner taken care of? Yes, please. You can reach out and ask what their favorite places are and what their kids like to eat, and then make sure it lands on their doorstep.
Offer to be an extra set of hands. If you are close with a seasoned mama, offer to take her older children on an adventure day. Let those kiddos run around at a local park, have a movie marathon, or sit outside coloring with chalk. If Mama just needs to catch up on housework, help her in a way that works for her. This can be doing dishes, folding laundry, etc.
Don’t say, “You know what you’re doing.” Please don’t. None of us has this whole parenting thing figured out, so let’s not make assumptions or make a mama feel like she should have it figured out.
Be as enthusiastic as you would be about a firstborn. They’re excited about their new addition; by showing the same level of love and matching their energy, you also show how much you care for the parents.
Don’t buy them baby things they don’t need. Seasoned mamas have their baby gear down to a science. Instead of loading them down with things that will just clutter, consider buying diapers, wipes, or formula (if they are formula-feeding); onesies in larger sizes are always a good idea, too.
Remind the seasoned parents in your life that they are humans, too. It is so easy to lose yourself in parenthood, and it is crucial to remind seasoned parents that they were people before they were parents. Find ways to allow them to reconnect with that part of themselves; supporting their reading habits, sending memes, or even having a dedicated but flexible standing gaming night are easy ways to do this. Being a parent does not mean you have to give up hobbies.
At the end of the day, all parents adding to their families should be celebrated, whether a firstborn, second-born, or a sixth-member being added.
