As I’m conducting my evening scroll, I find myself in one of my favorite mom groups where a mom asked the age-old question “How do you know when you’re done having kids?” She lamented to the group that her husband was considering a vasectomy and she wasn’t sure if she was done having kids. I laughed. First off- as every mom in a mom group knows, you’re not allowed to ask that question, or BOOP you find yourself accidentally pregnant, and then you’ve realized you did not want another kid. Then the more sage advice comes in: if you’re considering another kid, it’s likely that you are not done having kids. Because for all of us who have gone through that questioning phase- when you are done having kids: you will know. So if you’re jumping back and forth wondering what to do, I’d like to present an overly opinionated piece on why you should indeed not have any more kids.
Sleep. Do you like to sleep? Did your kids just start sleeping through the night? Or maybe you cherish those few hours between when you put your kids to bed and when you put yourself to bed. Or better yet- maybe your kids put themselves to bed!! I mean, they did just announce several promised more seasons of Bridgerton…. because if you have a baby, you’ve have to wash bottles or pump parts or nurse or pass out from exhaustion. Buuuuut you could also hold a little squishy baby while you watch Bridgerton…. No! Because then they wake up in the middle of the night. And then your older kids ask why you have ‘dark circles’ under your eyes.
Grocery shopping. Do you like to be able to use the large center portion of the grocery cart? Have you forgotten that sometimes you used to balance things on top of the cart cover only for them to fall in on top of the baby? Me neither; I would never do that. *wink* “But Amy, they have these great carts where the car seat fits right on top and holds it secure (because we all know it’s dangerous to click them into the grocery cart seat… so stop doing that!)!!” Sure- if you’re 6’1” and can see over that thing while also pulling your second kid neck high out of the marshmallow shelf ‘because she loves the way it smells up her nose.’ Again, I would not know from personal experience- metaphorically speaking. Buuuuuut that teeny tiny baby doesn’t talk back, nor does it ask you for a balloon every time…but it will.
Diapers. If your older kids are out of diapers- let me go ahead and remind you how financially exhausting diapers are. One box of Pampers is $25, 96 diapers in a box, your little burrito is going to destroy that box in two weeks barring there are no massive blowouts. You remember those days, right? You’re settled into your first trip out to Costco, you have everything ready. That sweet baby is cooing up a storm and your heart is swarming in love. And then you smell it. And then you realize that your car seat has now been defaced. There is something special about the angle of the car seat and a forceful explosive diaper that always equated to a blowout for us and absolutely only when I needed to be somewhere. So easily hundreds and hundreds of dollars every. Single. Year. On diapers. Then pull-ups, then potty training. Do you really want to do that again? Do you??
So, dearest mom friend- before you head to your fave mom group wondering: Should I have another baby? How do I know when I’m done having kids? Come back here. Read these again and if you think to yourself “eh, that doesn’t sound too terrible” then happy baby-making to you. If you read those and thought to yourself, “mannnn, I really do like having kids that wipe themselves and go to school and can walk through stores on their own- then you my love, are officially out of the ‘having babies’ stage. You can then become the great friend who visits and loves on other peoples’ babies.