“Your position has been eliminated.” Not words you ever want to hear, or expect to hear, when you’re four months pregnant. Yet this was my reality just two years ago. I had a nine-month-old in daycare and was having daily conversations with my husband about our new way of life. We were just learning how to navigate childcare costs, drop-offs, pick-ups, and yes, another pregnancy. Losing my income was not on the radar. But if I’m being honest, being a stay-at-home mom was never on my radar either.
The idea is something my husband mentioned to me here and there, normally after a good cry session before daycare drop-off or before heading out for a long day of work travels. I was overwhelmed, balancing work and life checklists again, all while taking care of a newborn and trying to hide another first trimester from quite literally everyone. Even though it felt like a lot at the time, I could not bring myself to quit my job. I would think of the endless amount of hard work I put into my Master’s degree and scholarships. Being an extravert, I also couldn’t imagine a life where I wasn’t constantly marketing or fostering client relationships. Truth be told, I also couldn’t imagine living on one salary. I have always loved working and making money. By no means do my husband and I live extravagant lives, but it’s a sacrifice for a parent to stay home in more ways than one, and that financial sacrifice felt like my lifeline that I held on to. Well, until the universe made the decision for me and I had to let go.
A few weeks passed, and we concluded that I would stay home for the remainder of the pregnancy, pull our son from daycare, and we would go from there. My husband was like a kid on Christmas morning. He was excited to spend more time together as a family daily, have his children at home rather than in daycare, and enjoy all the positives that come with it. While all those things have been wonderful, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss my income. I didn’t feel secure for months, constantly worried about whether I was making the right decision. I had a few colleagues reach out about job opportunities in the coming months, and every time I turned them down, I felt a pit in my stomach. I had no idea if I was doing the right thing, and the reality of it all is- I still don’t. It’s a new way of life, all of it.
Over the last two years, I have become more comfortable with my new title. Small and large, here are a few things that have helped me as we became a single-income family:
Go over a budget.
This is a no-brainer for anyone considering going from two incomes to one. If you write it down on paper, it might be less scary than you think. It’s easy to see and plan, right there in front of you. Discuss with your partner: where are our nonnegotiables, what bills are stagnant and fluid, and where can we pull back from in order to free up funds.
Make a To-Do List.
I think one of the hardest parts about going from a full-time job to a stay-at-home parent is feeling productive. With a career, productivity and success can be measured in many ways. At home, that’s rarely the case in my experience. Make lists, and check items off as you get them accomplished. Nothing is too big or too small. Again, once you see it on paper, it will help you realize you are doing more than you think.
Sell some stuff.
Pick one or two items a week and SELL IT. Make a few bucks. With my first couple of sales, I used the money to practice leaving the house with two under two and to grab myself an overpriced latte. A few months later, I started putting money together and would save it up for new toys. You’ll get creative. Explore your closets during naptime.
–Improve your financial literacy.
I stopped listening to kids’ music on our morning walks and started learning more through podcasts. Do what you can to learn about budgeting, debt, taxes, investing, and insurance. Knowledge is power after all.
Don’t be afraid to hire a financial advisor.
Seriously. Interview a couple, see what ideas they have for you during this time. This was key to reducing my overall financial stress and improving my outlook. Our advisor helped us create ways to generate income without me even having to leave the house and clock in.
Find a Supportive Network.
I found that all my girlfriends were full-time working moms. I needed to find someone I could vent to, who understood, and who I could also spend time with. Whether you love it or not, becoming a stay-at-home parent can be extremely lonely and isolating at times. Do yourself a favor: join your local moms’ groups on social media and try out a meet-up or playdate.
Work Part Time.
I’ve found a lot of moms thriving with the balance of part-time work. If you aren’t sure you can fully commit to life at home 24/7, simply don’t! Find something you enjoy 2-3 days a week or ask your employer if there are part-time options available; you might be surprised with what you find.
It took some time to shift my mindset from focusing on money lost to all the memories gained. Making the decision to become a stay-at-home parent is one that shouldn’t be made lightly. It is a great sacrifice and lifestyle change for most. There are pros and cons to either side, just like everything else. If you decide to make the dive into the wild adventure of a single-income family, just know that the sacrifice will be worth it. As with many things in parenting, it’s hard to put a price tag on time with our children. Whatever your path may look like, give yourself grace and time to adjust to a new normal. Life has a way of working out. I’m rooting for you!
