Mother’s Day means something different for everyone. Maybe you became a mom in the traditional way, through a surrogate, or through adoption. Regardless of how you became a mom, your presence is celebrated every year. All of your efforts and worries are recognized, as they should be. Moms are some of the hardest-working people I know. Moms carry the mental load, are chefs, laundry ferries, homework helpers, maids, and chauffeurs. But what if you do all of these things and aren’t Mom, because she already exists, just at another house? What if you do all the same things a mom does, but on Mother’s Day, you aren’t recognized? There is a population of us who are not traditionally celebrated on Mother’s Day, and for a day of that recognition, I offer you Stepmother’s Day.
Stepmother’s Day was a holiday created in 2000 by a 9-year-old girl who wanted to honor her own stepmom. Stepmother’s Day is traditionally celebrated on the Sunday after Mother’s Day to avoid intruding on the holiday. If you’re anything like me, you had no idea this holiday existed. But if you’re a stepmom or are a friend (or husband!) of a stepmom, you should absolutely know this day exists. Stepmother’s Day isn’t about fancy gifts or brunch; it’s about acknowledgment. We don’t need to be celebrated or be the one to get the gifts made at school (although I love it when teachers recognize that not every family is traditional). More than anything, we’d just like a thank you.
If you find yourself wondering whether your stepkid’s biomom will be one of these people who says “thanks,” I urge you to remove that expectation, because it likely won’t happen. I know during specific time periods when I thought that maybe, just maybe, there’d be some level of acknowledgment for all I was doing to raise children who aren’t mine, that something would be said. It wasn’t, of course, and it really felt like a slap in the face. You know what wasn’t a slap in the face, though? My 1st-grade stepdaughter made me a Mother’s Day picture at school, which still hangs in my office. The people who know what you do and see what you bring to your family are where the acknowledgment comes from. Tell your spouse this day exists. Share your expectations of what you’d like to do that day.
As a stepmom, you’ll likely never have time with your stepkids over Mother’s Day weekend. That is reserved for the biomoms. That’s okay, though. The next Sunday is your day- granted it’s not part of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines- but that’s your day. And as stepmoms, we know all too well the importance of celebrating what we can, when we can.
Happy Mother’s/Stepmother’s Day to ALL of you who keep your houses running, regardless of title.
