For five years and 330 days, my oldest daughter was an only child. Our family of three traveled everywhere together. We logged lots of plane rides, celebrated all the firsts, and learned how to navigate daycare. Things were “easy” because there was “only” one.
Now we have two.
My youngest daughter, born five weeks before her big sister’s sixth birthday, will never know what it is like to be an only child. For the last nine months, she has had a doting older sister who gives her no personal space and is the first one to make her laugh. Little Sis rarely has time just with Mommy and Daddy. She gets lugged to activities, and her naps are interrupted more often than I like. We cannot shape our lives around her nearly as much.
When she turns 12, she will most likely become an “only” child. If Big Sis goes to college or moves out of the house, Little Sis will be our one and only at home as she starts seventh grade.
When most people comment on our daughter’s age difference, they think we’re smart to have such an age gap. (Side note: this age gap was not of our choosing, but we’ll happily take credit for it.) People talk about how we–in theory–won’t have as much fighting or sibling rivalry, we won’t have two in college simultaneously, and Big Sis can help out with Little Sis pretty easily.
What I am learning to appreciate about the difference is that both girls will get singular time with us: my oldest daughter when she was young and my youngest daughter when she is much older than she is now. As Little Sis navigates the angst of middle school and the potential drama of high school, I look forward to car rides and dinners when my husband and I can listen to her and help her navigate her world. Maybe these car rides and dinners will be reminiscent of when we sat down as a family of three and supported Big Sis through pre-K and kindergarten. (I am well aware that elementary is far different from middle/high school, but you get my point.)
My husband and I cherished those five years and 330 days with our firstborn. Will I jump for joy if our oldest daughter decides to attend college while living from home? Absolutely. If she doesn’t, though, and moves out of the house at 18, we will absolutely cherish the time when twelve-year-old Little Sis becomes our “only” child.
