Like most Type A people, I pride myself on my high standards. When I found out I was pregnant, I assured friends and family that having a baby wouldn’t change me. I was determined to maintain my routines, level of organization, and status as the most organized person in the entire world.
One moment of naivete stands out to me in particular. In month 8 of my pregnancy, I was walking into Target and thought to myself, “This won’t really be that different once I have the baby. Nothing will really change that much. I mean, what’s the big deal about bringing the car seat in with me?”
My family seems to delight in watching me parent a baby. One of my family members observed, “You’re all soft now. You’re not ‘Hard Molly.'” Another commented, “You’re all squishy now!” (not a reflection on my changed pant size)
My initial response was to be defensive and argue that I haven’t changed and I’m fine. The response, meant to reassure, was “No, it’s a good thing!”
Hmmm. Had I really changed that much?
I think maybe so. Certainly, my house is a lot messier these days. I’ve even been known to leave dishes in the sink when I leave for work in the morning.
I haven’t had a good hair day in months, and I rotate wearing the same basic black clothing items to work every week. And I don’t even care.
While reading a fiction book about the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, I became so distraught that I had to stop. Maybe it was hormones or maybe it was the description of the blond headed, blue eyed Lindbergh baby that matched the physical profile of my own roly-poly baby boy, but I just couldn’t handle it.
All is Not Lost
I haven’t lost all of my old self, though. Everyone is still expected to make their beds, eat all of their vegetables, and eat dinner as a family (even if it is frozen lasagna and canned green beans). I recently bought some fun jewelry to accent my monochromatic work uniform.
So maybe I am a softer version of myself. And maybe that’s a good thing, after all.
But so far, I am standing strong against a minivan…at least, for now.