“Are we really doing this?” My friends and I shrieked with delight when we entered the cue to buy tickets to see a show on Broadway in New York. When our turn came, we purchased our seats and then sat back in disbelief, excitement, and a little bit of concern.
“I guess we’re going to New York?” I said as I let the weight of our decision wash over us. Between the three of us, there would be three partners and six children fending for themselves while we lived it up in New York for at least five days. Is this a bit dramatic? Yes, in the end, our kiddos and partners were ok with some additional assistance from family members, and with all of us preparing clothing, meals, and setting expectations.
For five glorious days, the only time I heard ‘mom’ was when I called to check in every morning and evening. In between that time, I was able to just exist and do things that brought me joy. Was this an indulgent trip? Absolutely. Was it necessary? Absol-FREAKING-lutely.
While it’s important that we do as many trips as possible with our beautiful families, traveling with friends (or on your own if that’s your jam!) is needed for our mental health. I want to stress that these ‘trips’ don’t need to be long or expensive. They can be a staycation in an Airbnb or hotel room, as long as you’re completely separated from the regular responsibilities that you deal with on a daily basis for at least 24-48 hours! This allows you to disconnect from being ‘mom’ or the ‘default parent’ and gives you the chance to just exist as yourself.
After arriving in New York, we went out to dinner that first night. We were pretty much in awe at the fact that we could both eat our food the moment it arrived. We had to keep reminding each other that we could take the time to just savor our meal because no one was going to come up crying that their sibling hit them, or that they were starving, or asking for a bite of our meal. We could order something with spice or that WE were interested in without worrying that someone else was going to get upset because we didn’t get the ‘usual.’
When we finished eating our meal, and the waiter came to ask if we wanted dessert, we really couldn’t say no. Once again, it was ordering something that we wanted because we wanted it and allowing the stress of always being ‘on’ as a parent to melt away.
The rest of the trip was spent with us just doing things that made us happy, and because we wanted to. Walk 45 minutes in one direction to get to a specific store? Sure. Get up at 6 am, grab a coffee, come back to the hotel, and then head out for breakfast at 10? Let’s do it. We even purchased tickets on the same day for two different shows just because we could. In those five days, we saw four Broadway shows, and it was glorious.
I think it’s so important to provide ourselves with the opportunity to do what we want when we want (within reason, of course!) What was so amazing during those days was that I got to choose how to spend my time. Did I spend a few hours getting ready, doing my hair, and dressing nicely? Sure! Sit up all night with a face mask, some chocolate, watching a show, and doing embroidery? Why not? While I miss the trip itself, I really and truly miss those moments when I made a decision that only affected me, not anyone else.
During those evening and morning phone calls with family, my own daughters would continue to ask, ‘Why are you out of town, Mom? Why did you leave us?’ And those moments would break my heart a bit, but I would tell them ‘Mom is on a trip with her friends. We’re going to some shows and doing some things that we’ve really wanted to do. It’s good for us to spend time together as friends, and I miss you guys so much. I can’t wait to give you a big hug when I get home.’
This is so important to stress to them because this helps our kiddos recognize that independence can be a good thing. I’m away from the family and doing things that bring me a lot of joy. While it’s sad, and we can miss each other, they’re seeing that I’m modeling what a healthy friendship looks like. I let them know that my friends and I each come up with a list of what is important to us, and we try to do something from everyone’s list, even if it’s not something I’m interested in. I’m showing them that giving and taking are an important cycle in friendship. I want my kids to understand that they can be an amazing friend, but their friends also need to give in return. I’m not talking about giving items, but about giving time, comfort, empathy, etc.
What strengthens friendships? There can be so many things, events, discussions, etc. For us, it was waiting for two (or three, because I can’t remember now, haha!) hours to catch a glimpse of Tom Felton stepping out of the Lyric theatre after his performance. Or maybe it was our nonstop laughter when we saw Death Becomes Her, and all the adult jokes kept us on our toes. Actually, it could have been when I found out that one of my friends loathes mascots, so we had to keep doing a wide berth around Times Square, or when my friends realized that if I do not have my coffee, I am not a pleasant person to be around. Our friendship has been incredibly strengthened thanks to taking this trip together.
Please do yourself and your friends the massive favor of planning a trip together. Whether it’s a staycation where you guys get together and craft, or an adventurous camping trip, or a crazy NY trip to see a bunch of Broadway shows, it’ll do you so much good.
P.S. If you go to NY, you MUST check out Masquerade.
P.P.S. We’re already planning to go back to NY in 2 years, NY 2028 is going to be epic! Let me know if you wanna join 🙂
