I am not a patient person. I basically asked my husband (then boyfriend) if I could move in with him. (We did.) Not to mention the conversation where I inferred we should be engaged before years end. (We were not.) But that’s beside the point. We live in an age where everything is at your fingertips. Fast everything. Fast food. It doesn’t have to be McDonald’s anymore, want a great meal fast, no problem. Fast internet. Shoot, kids these days will never know the annoying dial-up sound or trying to call your friend and getting a busy signal because someone is on AOL AIM. And what about fast TV. Who even watches commercials anymore. I remember getting TIVO in high school and thinking, this is so revolutionary. So when I got pregnant the first time, basically the first time you know what, I assumed I had won the pregnancy lottery. I can get pregnant fast too. I was thrilled. I have witnessed first-hand my friends and family struggle to get pregnant and while it killed me, I never quite understood what they were feeling…until now.
Pregnancy Number Two
We always knew we wanted to have a second. That was a given. Our first kiddo needed a playmate and while it crossed our mind when he was teething or throwing a temper tantrum, baby number two was always coming at some point. People still ask, oh are you thinking about having another. “Yes,” I reply. “Just not yet.” Just after my son’s first birthday, we thought about it seriously, but we were just having too much fun with our first born. He was so fun! He traveled well, he slept well and was in a great stage. Why rush it we thought? So fast forward to early 2018…we were finally ready. My husband and I both expected our second pregnancy to be a breeze given that our first came so easily. We were even a little hesitant because we just knew it would be the same this time around. But alas, here we are. Almost a year later and nothing to show for it.
Put simply, there is no fast forward in the pregnancy game. No matter how hard I try or how many sticks I pee on, it’s always going to be a waiting game. Every morning, it’s the same routine…pee on a stick. Wait. If its negative…more waiting. If its positive…more waiting to find out if you have done well enough this month. It doesn’t matter. It’s a vicious 28-day cycle that often feels like Groundhog Day for those of us on this pregnancy rollercoaster.
I recently took a trip to my doctor to figure out the next steps. I was thrilled at the possibility of a game plan. Much of my struggle with this pregnancy game is with lack of control. I am severely type A and want to be able to see the plan, have a list and make it happen. But it’s not that easy here. A woman’s body isn’t something you control. And while I did find comfort in having a road map, I had to cringe when I heard I would have to WAIT until next month to begin. Again with the waiting! What’s that you hear? Oh, that’s my biological clock ticking out of my stomach.
And So We Wait
I say all this in hopes that I can provide others in my situation with some comic relief. I often try to cover my feelings with a good laugh and this is no different. I know I am not unique and in fact, I understand 1 year of trying may sound like a drop in the bucket for some. I want to assure all of you amazing moms out there who waited years for your little ones to come into your life, that I hear you and I see you. And for all those parents that are on this rollercoaster with us, I get it and it sucks. Everyone’s journey is different and I am confident ours will have a happy ending regardless. I mean you can’t rush perfection, right? So, wait we will. It may take two more months or two more years. Shoot, I have a beautiful son and I also know he is enough as well. As I said before, I am not a patient person. But if we were lucky enough to be blessed with a second child, I can confidently say that my pregnancy will be worth the wait.