My husband and I celebrated our ninth anniversary this past week. It’s not really one people talk about, and ours fell smack dab between his fortieth birthday and Christmas. It was chaotic (when is it not?), but we managed to sneak away for an early dinner, order a bottle of red, and cheers to another year of togetherness and our marraige.
I spend a lot of time reflecting on our marriage and the life we’ve built together this time of year since we were married in December. Life often feels unrecognizable from that cold, sunny day nine years ago. We’ve added three kids to our family, bought two homes and a gazillion cars (why?!), endured several job changes, and navigated complicated family dynamics. We are, no doubt, very different people than we were on our wedding day.
The good news is that I love the person my husband has become even more than I did nine years ago, and (I think!) he feels the same way. Marriage and parenthood have stretched us both in unpredictable ways; there are still plenty of heated arguments, differences of opinion, and tense moments when finding common ground feels like an uphill battle. We are two people with different lived experiences trying to build a meaningful life together, and some days that’s just messy. But we have continued to show up for each other committed to staying curious about one another (thanks to our wise therapist). My husband has taught me often in our marriage what it means to offer forgiveness, provided me space to ask hard questions, and pushed in instead of backing away when things felt unsteady. That guy has never once held a grudge despite having many reasons to. BLESS HIM.
My husband was the king of grand gestures when we started dating–surprising me with concert tickets, delivering coffee to my doorstep at 6 am before a long day of teaching, and buying me fancy shoes that were definitely not in his budget. The gestures aren’t quite as grand now this far into our marriage–they’re keeping my feet warm in bed at night, offering to take the kids to the car wash when he can sense I’ve reached my limit, doing the dishes after bedtime because he knows waking up to a dirty kitchen stresses me out, and choosing which restaurant because I cannot make one more decision. Our life isn’t conducive to grand gestures at this current moment, and he still finds ways to show deep care for me.
I don’t really subscribe to the belief in one best friend because if we’re fortunate, we are given the opportunity to walk through life with a plethora of people by our sides, championing us in a thousand different little ways. This may be an unpopular opinion, but my husband isn’t my best friend either. This isn’t to say we are not friends because, oh my gosh his friendship carried me on some dark days and provided levity at the exact moment the situation required it. My husband is thoughtful, steadfast, engaged, an encourager, an includer, and a consistent presence in our home as a dad and partner. If I have to keep making one million decisions every day, I want to make them with him. I genuinely enjoy his company more today than I did on our wedding day, and it has been such a wild privilege to build a life together. Cheers to all the moments of the past nine years that have led us here–may there be many more to come.