Support Systems: Quality Vs. Quantity

So, as I sit here and type this, currently in Trimester #4.  During this time, as many of you know, it is filled with ups and downs. Trying to figure out not only how to keep this tiny human alive, but to also take care of myself post-delivery. When these type of life events happen, it truly shows you the type of support systems and friendships you have in your life. After my first son’s birth, our house was like a revolving door. Many friends and family came by, often having to schedule a day and time so their visit didn’t overlap with another visitor. Now, my second son is in the picture, and it indeed showed me the difference in friendships and relationships. He is currently a month old, and the number of visitors is significantly lower than last time. So what’s more important? Quality or Quantity?

The answer: Quality.

I remember the days in college where I could tell you how many friends I had on [The] Facebook. It was almost a social status to see who had the most friends on this social media platform. But, how many of those friends did you talk to on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis? How many of those friends knew what was going on in your life, let alone your major?  Back then, quantity may have ranked higher, but now that I’ve experienced life’s ups and downs, I want the quality friendship. We should all want the quality friendship. 

During this crazy time where you’re trying to figure out what in the heck is going on with your body and trying to learn the cue of a newborn, you want friendships and support systems in your life that are going to lift you up, not bring you down. Recently this has become clear, not only through the representation of my visitors but through those who have texted and called. It has shown me who in my life is genuinely there for me. Yes, many of these people brought my family meals, gifts, and coffee. But more importantly, they listened. They listened to my birth story. They answered my questions. They talked to me about random life events, things going on in their lives, and reminisced. They took my mind off the spit up all over my clothes, the overflowing laundry pile, my unwashed hair, and the cracker crumbs my toddler left all over the couch. They were here for me. They were here for my family. Those are the types of friendships and support systems that matter in life. They are not a one-sided friendship; it is give and take.

So I challenge you. Ask yourself what types of friendships do you want in your life? How do these friendships stand out above the rest? 

Personally, I want the friend who asks if she can watch my kids while I go take a shower. I want the friend who texts out of the blue to let me know she is thinking of me and making sure all is okay. I want someone who will let me vent to get my frustrations out and not judge me when I’m being completely irrational. I want the friend who trusts me enough to let me into her own life to share the daily chaos, happy moments, and life’s struggles.  

How do you find that friend? Take a close look at the people in your life.  Family. Friends. Coworkers. Community group members. Find your quality and hold onto it tight. 

A special thank you to my quality friends out there reading this. You know who you are.  My support system. My fellow belly gigglers. My partners in crime. My listeners. My advice givers. I truly honor and appreciate our friendship.