To My Toxic Mother-In-Law


mother-in-lawTo My Toxic Mother-In-Law,

We don’t like each other and it’s exhausting to pretend like we do. I look at you and am amazed that you created someone I love. Your son is nothing like you. He’s kind, patient, loving, and rational. You, on the other hand, have a Queen complex and expect me to bow down. I won’t.

You’re a gaslighter. Twisting words and belittling my feelings, you attempt to undermine my confidence, but it won’t work. It works on your children and they exalt you. I don’t feel that sense of loyalty. I have my own mom and I know what it feels like to be loved. This isn’t love. I don’t know what this is.

I’m tired of you telling me how lucky I am to be married to your son. The trite comments are stale and worn out. My children are finishing the overused sentences because they’ve heard them a thousand times. Your passive-aggressive nature used to bother me, but it doesn’t anymore. I’ve learned to find my mental happy place when you begin your nonsense. It also doesn’t hurt that you live several states away. 

I’ve tried addressing my issues with you, but you dismissed me. You called me sensitive, rolled your eyes, and told me to stop acting like a victim. You claimed that you’ve “never had conflict with anyone like this before,” but my other sisters-in-law experience the same type of drama with you. 

The problem is not us. It’s you.

Even though I have to interact with you, I do not have to continue to have conflict with you. I can (and will) control how I react to your behavior. I will no longer allow you to bait me into an emotional reaction. I will no longer show you strong emotions; instead, I’ll use calm and careful words. I’m not going to get my feelings hurt anymore because I’ve realized that your rude comments have little to do with me. They all stem from your own insecurities. What do bullies do? They pick on others to make themselves feel better.

You’re a bully and I won’t let you trigger me anymore. 

I know that you won’t change, so I will. I will no longer focus on your negativity. I’ll focus on what you’ve given me. You gave birth to the most important person in my life, my husband. You’ve made me so much more appreciative of my own mother. You’ve inspired me to be a great mother-in-law to my son’s wife one day. I will be to her everything I wished you were to me. 


Your Emotionally Drained Daughter-In-Law