Dear Bennett,
My sweet rainbow baby, today is your first birthday.
One year of your smiles and laughter filling our house. One year of watching your big brother adore you. One year of a love that somehow feels like it has always been here.
It feels like just yesterday that your dad announced, “It’s a boy!” and you were finally in my arms, earthside. I learned with your brother how fast time can go, but this past year has moved at a speed I can hardly comprehend. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully articulate the happiness you’ve brought to our family.
Your big brother made me a mom, and you made me realize how much love a heart can stretch to hold.
But the story of you didn’t start a year ago.
There was a stretch of time when we didn’t know if we would ever meet you.
People call babies like you a “rainbow baby” because you are the sunlight that comes after a storm. And our storm was a journey filled with confusion, questions, and uncertainty.
You see, your dad and I were so blessed with how quickly and easily our journey to your brother came. We had no idea there was a world where giving him a sibling might not be in the cards. Mommy’s body had already brought a healthy baby into the world, and it was hard for me to understand why I couldn’t do that again.
Our storm brought moments of hope, and moments of deep disappointment that we didn’t always say out loud. The disappointment of feeling like my body was failing me. The fear that I could be the reason your brother grew up without a sibling. The heartbreak of watching it come so easily for other families.
My heart would shatter any time your brother would say, “I want a baby brother or sister.”
I searched for something to blame, something I could change. But in the end, I learned that it’s all in God’s timing.
These kinds of feelings are hard to explain because they carry so much guilt. We already had your big brother and so much to be grateful for, so it felt selfish to still want another baby. And yet, my heart kept telling me our story wasn’t complete and there was this quiet sense that someone was still missing.
And then, one day, everything changed.
I will never forget hearing your heartbeat for the first time. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, and I remember crying because we had spent so much time wondering if that moment would ever come.
You came quickly and smoothly into the world, and your birth reminded me just how strong my body was after so many months of feeling like it was broken. I couldn’t help but think that God gave us your peaceful birthday, with the sun shining into the delivery room, as a way of telling us our storm was finally passing and our rainbow baby was here.
You didn’t just join our family, Bennett.
You completed a story that had been waiting for you.
Every night when I rock you to sleep, I thank God for choosing me to be your mom. You fit into our family in a way that makes it hard to remember what it felt like before you were here.
In true second-born fashion, you’ve been such a calm, go-with-the-flow baby. Although you’ve definitely kept us on our toes, specifically in the middle of the night, which has been a challenge for your “I can’t function without eight hours of sleep” mom. But I’m learning that you’re just a baby who needs a little extra comfort. And for that, it’s always worth being tired.
I love watching your personality come to life. You are full of energy, always on the move, curious and independent. You wear your emotions right on your face (as most babies do), and my favorite moments are when you get so proud of yourself while crawling, cruising, or walking with a little help from mom.
You have a smile that lights up a room and a laugh I wish I could bottle up and replay forever. And the best part? Your biggest smiles and loudest belly laughs always come when your big brother is playing with you.
Watching the two of you together has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.
It’s true there is more noise now. More mess. More schedules to juggle. More chaos in the day-to-day. But there’s also more laughter, more joy, and more moments where I catch myself thinking, I am living out my answered prayers.
And now, here we are.
One year of you. And you are perfect.
Someday you’ll learn the story of how long we waited for you.
But the only part that really matters is this:
You were always meant to be ours.
Happy first birthday to my sweet rainbow baby, Bennett.
You were worth every moment it took to get to you.
I love you always and forever,
Mom
