I am the black sheep of my family.
The daughter of two ultra-conservative parents, I am everything they are not. I am pro-choice, pro-gun reform, all of the most liberal ideals. I vote Democrat; I don’t attend church (or believe in God); I fight for climate reform, and I attend drag shows.
And to be honest, it’s their doing. They taught me to question the world, research topics that interested me, and utilize reputable sources. I was allowed to explore the world through books and people, never pausing long enough to question the existence of it. To me, if you were a human, you mattered. My parents instilled a sense of self in me, a sense of standing up for what I believe is right. My entire life, I have been told that they would be forever proud of me as long as I remained true to who I was.
But living out those values has made me the complete antithesis of my parents. I am the island, the lone (wo)man out, the bleeding heart calling for what are basic human rights. The instant I turned eighteen, I registered to vote. I became outspoken on subjects that mattered to me. Slowly, my golden child status was tarnished, and I was morphing into a black sheep label. Everyday, I am reminding those around me of the very ideals I was raised on, only to be met with opposition, with being told I don’t understand.
No, I do very much understand. And as a parent, I want to model what it means to be a welcoming hug to all I meet. How do I reconcile the animosity I feel from my parents with the desire I have to show my babies that you can fight for what you know to be true? How do I teach my children that all humans are valid and that the freedom to choose and to love who we love shouldn’t be a discussion? How do I ensure that the pieces of my heart roaming this big ol’ world know their mama won’t turn her back on them?
And the answer I have realized is that I have to keep moving forward without pause and without hesitation. There is no reconciling, there is not a way for me to no longer be the so-called black sheep. To do so, I would have to negate what I stand for simply to make others comfortable. I refuse to do that, so I will remain as I am. My life’s work will be reflected in the eyes of my littles, in their gentleness while they explore a not-so-gentle world. It will be shown in how their little smiles greet the person on the street and how they celebrate rainbows and sparkles.
If breaking generational curses deems me as an unsalvageable black sheep, then I will forever wear the proverbial darkness if it means that my children never know the weight I bear.
