Before the ultrasound technician confirmed that you were a girl, I already knew it. I had a deep sense that God blessed me with exactly what I thought I didn’t want to teach me something profound. Daughter, having you revealed my greatest weakness.
Before having kids, the idea of having a daughter scared me. I always imagined myself as a #boymom. I wanted to raise boys to become men who would love, respect, and care for the hearts of the women around them. Even though I knew little about motherhood, I felt more confident in my ability to raise boys than I did in my ability to raise girls. Why? Because I was afraid.
Daughter, I was afraid because I didn’t think I was equipped to prepare you for the world you would encounter. I didn’t think that I could help you understand all the complexities of womanhood. I didn’t think that I could teach you to see yourself as beautiful. I didn’t think that I could teach you to have high self-esteem and be confident in yourself. How could I instill in you all the things I didn’t possess myself?
Daughter, faced with the reality that I was having you, I shoved all those fears to the back of my mind because I just wasn’t sure how to deal with them. I simply focused on getting through the pregnancy and after you were born, taking care of you and your physical needs. But dismissing those fears will no longer work. You are growing up and I realize that if I want to raise a daughter that is confident and strong, I have to fully acknowledge and address my own issues. I am incapable of helping you be your best if I am not at my best. It’s taken me a long time to admit this, but I feel more ready than ever to do the hard work to heal myself.
Daughter, the next step for me is therapy. I need help unpacking the “why” behind low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I need help redefining what beauty means to me and how I can model it for you. I need help accepting what I see in the mirror and all the inner quirks that make me who I am.
I know this will be a journey, but I hope it is a journey that will benefit both of us. One that we can travel together. I hope to one day look back at this moment in time and see how the choices I am making now will create a better future for you.
Daughter, having you revealed my greatest weakness, but daughter, you are one of the best things to happen to me and I will be stronger because of you.