The Dense Fog of Baby Brain




3 kids. 6 years.

I have ridden the waves of hormones, rubbed cocoa butter on the landscape of my stretch marks and counted every Weight Watchers point in attempt to lose the baby weight. The one thing I could not lose was my horrible case of baby brain. I had it bad. I no longer knew complicated words like “cabinet” or “snow blower”.  I would be talking with my husband and my train of thought would just jump the tracks. I really felt like one of those women in Soap Operas that are put in a coma by their enemy, but she isn’t really comatose, she is inside herself yelling for someone to hear her. This fog I was in was thick and dense.  Then, just when I thought I might be able to put a sentence together again, I would feel the familiar nausea of pregnancy and POOF my brain would sink further into the fog.

My youngest is now 20 months old. We are done reproducing.

My dear friend, who also has 3 children, swore to me that the baby brain would go away soon. She told me how she was able to tell her husband a whole story without forgetting a single word or detail. She even used super complex words like “hair dryer” and “garage door”. I was in awe. I was so proud of her, but unsure if I would ever emerge from this fog.

A few weeks ago I had this strange idea to check out an audiobook about space.  I listened to this man talk for hours about space, gravity, NASA, etc. Then the strangest thing occurred, my brain started to make sense of things. I kind of felt it tingle back to life. It was as if this book about outer space brought my brain back to Earth. In the evenings I would tell my husband about this book, it felt so good to talk about something besides sleep schedules and my latest Aldi Meal Plan adventure. One evening we sat on the couch watching Jeopardy, and much to our surprise, I got a few of the questions right! My sweet husband looked at me with shock and delight and exclaimed “She’s back!”

My New Year’s Resolution is to read/listen to only “smart books” and so far I am doing well. I was never super smart or even a straight A student, but I did have interests and enjoyed stretching this big ole brain of mine. Motherhood has been such a joy and I relish every moment I get to spend with my three daughters. However, in the past few weeks I am rediscovering the girl I was before maternity pants. I forgot I could be witty and smart. I forgot how to talk to people who aren’t mothering toddlers. I was so deep in the fog; I was starting to lose myself. It feels so good to have my brain come back to life. I can’t wait to see what’s next.