I have entered this new stage of life I like to call “Mom Dating”. A dear friend recently moved away and that change has caused me to reassess my “mom friend” situation. It is amazingly difficult to find someone that suits all of my and my family’s needs. Dating to find a spouse was one thing. I only had to think about myself. Trying to find someone that fits me and my children is a whole new ballgame.
The list of match qualifications is as follows: (1) A fellow momma I connect with and am able to hold a solid conversation with on a deeper level. (2) Has children with similar ages to my own. (3) At least one daughter. (4) Not only do I need our relationship dynamics to work well, but also those of our children. (5) In somewhat close proximity to us. (6) Are they a SAHM or working momma. (7) Someone else that also wants new mom friends. (8) The icing on top is if her spouse is someone my husband would connect to as well.
Now I have to prioritize my list and think about what I can give up and what I can’t. Seriously, when I met my husband I didn’t have nearly this many requirements. We connected and made it work, even with one of us in San Franciso and the other in Boston. Number 7 on my list is particularly challenging. Just because I am ready to “mom date” doesn’t mean they are. And frankly we are all so busy, do they really have time in their life to add a new friend.
So, I do have a new group of mom friends that have been meeting every week for the last month. We are all lucky enough to have the mutual friend in common that moved away. Before she left she made sure we were all connected. Yes, she is an amazing friend, one I wish I had appreciated more when she lived just 5 minutes away. The last few weeks have been an interesting dynamic of us “circling” one another trying to figure out how we connect AND trying to help our 8 children connect as well. There have been some successes and some failures, real-life moment, but it takes a lot of work to build new friendships. That is frankly something I am not good at. Being an only child I have struggled my entire life to connect with others. This new challenge of “mom dating” is going to be a difficult phase for me, but I need these women in my life, we all do.