Do you remember when you wanted this? Craved this? Would have given anything for the life you have now?
It’s really difficult to remember. It seems like a lifetime ago, and god knows the chaos of the last decade has wiped clean the memory of all the time you spent praying your life would turn out differently. It happened, though. You got everything you ever wanted.
You wake up every day and go to work. You dread the alarm going off and worry about things like curriculum mapping, standards, and tests. There are so many emails. You’re exhausted. But this: this is your dream job. You are teaching in the same district that you graduated from. Remember how over the moon you were when you got that phone call? You couldn’t wait to get into your classroom. The key that unlocks that door every day is the same one that was placed in your hand so long ago, and when you got to your car that day, you cried tears of thankfulness.
That guy over there. Do you remember how you felt the first time he touched you? You were in his truck, driving to dinner, and having some ridiculous conversation about working out the muscles in your leg in the hopes that maybe you would get some contact with him. You were at the stoplight, and he (very respectfully) took his pointer finger and drew a line across your thigh, showing you where the specific muscle was. The electricity was instantaneous. You were nervous, excited, anxious, and hesitant all at the same time. You were falling in love. Now you sift through bills and are lucky to get any alone time. Conversations revolve around what time practice is and which kid has homework that night. He’s still there, you know. His hair is buzzed now, and instead of a six-pack, he has a “dad bod.” You see him in strictly t-shirts and jeans instead of nice, button-down date night clothes and the same freaking hoodie he won’t get rid of.
Those eyes are the same ones you fell in love with. The hands, more calloused now, placed a ring on your finger. In the day-to-day, it’s hard to feel it most times, but the electricity is still there. He is absolutely the man you fell in love with, but it’s better because you’ve written a story together.
Whew, and those kids. Those crazy, jump-off-everything, make-a-mess, loud and energetic kids. They are absolutely everything you’ve ever wanted. Even as a girl, you longed to be a Mama, and here you are. Yes, it is stressful, and yes, it is hard, and yes, you crave silence. You have been known to lock yourself inside the closet sometimes for a few minutes of silence. Silence is everything right now. You used to be alone often, being able to devour books and watch movies. You were bored and lonely and hoped that one day you would have a family of your own.
So, here it is: You have EVERYTHING you’ve ever wanted. All of your dreams came true. It doesn’t fit into this pretty little package, and it doesn’t quite resemble how you pictured it, but you wanted this life. When you’re overwhelmed. When you’re sad. When you’re tired of being touched and over everything and have a meltdown in your car, remember: you have everything you wanted. And it is a good, good life.