My mom often used the phrase “friends for a season” during my childhood, teenage, and young adult years as friends moved away, groups shifted, and people’s passions diverged. I always understood what she meant, but I didn’t fully grasp the extent of it until recently when two good friends told me on separate occasions that they were moving out of Indianapolis.
When they broke the news to me, I was surprised by how sad I felt each time because we hadn’t known each other for more than a couple of years. We hadn’t even logged that many hours together compared to my other friends I’d known for a decade or two. But the reality is the hours we had spent together were quality; we’d taken deep dives into tricky issues and situations we both cared deeply about. We felt understood by each other, their friendships impacted me, and I’ll miss the proximity of seeing them in person regularly once they move.
I’ve had several other examples of “seasonal friends” throughout my life. I didn’t stay in contact with my high school friends, but they were lovely companions for the four years we journeyed together. I have remained close with a few college friends, but those friendships have also naturally shifted as we are now married, working, raising kids, and not spending our days tailgating for football games and studying until 2 AM. My friends in my first few years of teaching were my lifelines; we were in the trenches together, working around the clock to ensure our students were given safe spaces to learn and grow.
The friends I made as a new mom are especially dear to me, as motherhood cracks you open and exposes the most tender parts of yourself. I remember one specific friend I texted every night during middle-of-the-night feedings because we both became moms simultaneously. There’s nothing like the camaraderie that’s built through having someone who intimately understands your experience and is enduring the same challenges in real-time. We don’t live near each other anymore and don’t really stay in touch, but that doesn’t negate how fondly I remember that time and how grateful I was for her support.
I am fortunate to have “nonseasonal friends,” too. These are the people who have known me for years, through the pivotal twenties and thirties, when everything can start to feel really murky. We have shown up for each other in profound ways through breakups, weddings, diagnoses, babies, and most importantly, the everyday mundane things like “Can you bring us some Pedialyte because we’re all throwing up?” kinds of days. These friends are rare and deserve to be treasured.
However, not every friendship lasts forever; I’m learning that’s okay. Seasonal friends can bring just as much richness and depth to our lives as those who’ve known us forever. It doesn’t mean we don’t mourn when someone moves or a relationship shifts because those things are worth grieving. But there is beauty in any human connection, whether it lasts three months or fifty years. I’m grateful for my seasonal friends and what they’ve taught me, and I’m excited for whatever the next season has in store.
