In a recent interview with People magazine, Oprah discussed why she never had children. She discussed the “depth of responsibility” that it would take to be a mom. She also talked about the people she spent her time interviewing and how some of the parents she met derailed her plans for motherhood. This resonated greatly with me because growing up, I never dreamed of getting married or having a family. I had great examples in my family, my parents, my aunts, and uncles and all of my friend’s families were functioning and loving. However for me, I desired a more thrilling life one where I went to college, and my friend Geoffrey and I moved to New York as struggling artists and ate beans out of cans. Obviously, this isn’t how it worked (although we still discuss it on my bad parenting days).
I was also never the girl who saw babies and felt the inherent need to hold them. This may sound callous but no matter how cute, I never was just dying to hold someone else’s baby even though my cousins loved holding and seeing little babies. So by the age of 18, I thought oh well, I am obviously missing the mommy gene and began to prepare myself and my parents for the lack of children in our life. As promised, I went to college and before graduation Geoffrey and I began our pilgrimage to New York. Yet, there had been a change of plans, I had been offered a job here in Indy and his internship was only going to be for the summer…no New York. Fast forward about 3 years, I met my husband and got married, seven years later, we welcomed our first child and 15 months after that we welcomed our 2nd baby. All three life changes were extremely joyous, but I still had a sinking feeling that I was missing some important parts of motherhood. I had never really babysat, and I didn’t spend a ton of time with small children, so how would I connect?
Life is unpredictable, to say the least, and hardly ever goes as planned. I know that now more than ever. Like Oprah, I didn’t understand the depth of responsibility it would take to be a mom and trust me, it has been a lot. It doesn’t take away from the blessings that are Weslie and Trey Beaven. I am so grateful that they forced me out of my comfort zone and into the exclusive club of motherhood. I may not have all of the answers and this may not have been the life I dreamt of, but it is my life and for that, I am so grateful.