I’m an 11-year-old girl lying comfortably in my bed. My parents have long tucked me in, and I am starting to drift off to sleep when I hear the familiar sound of the vacuum whirring in the living room. My mom always vacuums at night. That’s when she does the dishes, too, though I’m not sure why she doesn’t do these chores during the day. I don’t mind the sounds of her cleaning the house, and I even find them comforting as they create a recognizable harmony, but I think to myself that she should rest, too.
I’m a 32-year-old woman who begrudgingly pushes myself out of my 4.5-year-old daughter’s bed after she finally drifted off to sleep. She’s been in her big girl bed for several months now, and I could ask her to lie there alone until she falls asleep, but she is so much more calm when I am snuggling her. Truthfully, I enjoy scratching her back and gently tracing the line from her forehead to the tip of her nose, just as I did when she was an infant. I kiss her on the cheek, check to make sure she’s breathing steadily (I question why I still feel the need to do this every night), and tiptoe out of her room, closing the door as slowly and quietly as possible.
I attempt to rub the sleep from my eyes, make my way towards the kitchen, and clean up the wreckage left behind from our evening hustle. Dishes need to be washed, lunches need to be prepped for the next day, floors need to be swept, laundry needs to be folded (and, likely, restarted in the dryer to remove day-old wrinkles), pets need to be fed, and the list goes on. Then, hopefully, my husband and I will have a few moments together before resting ahead of another busy day.
Recently, I realized that my evening chore routine mirrored my mom’s routine all those years ago. My husband often questions why I tend to the house at night after already working and living a full day. I assure him that it is not what I would choose to do if I saw another reasonable option, but it seems necessary and unavoidable at this stage of life. Tending to our home in the morning before school and work is not feasible because our children’s moods are unpredictable, with our three-year-old son often needing extra snuggles and assistance to navigate his big feelings ahead of his day, apart from us. I will sometimes attempt to clean dishes and prep lunches while the children are eating dinner, but this tends to make them more distracted from their meals, and we miss out on quality time to chat about our day. This leaves me with no clear option other than the night shift.
When thinking back on my childhood and all my parents’ sacrifices for me to have a wonderful life, I understand now why my mom tended to our home at night. It wasn’t until I became a busy mom juggling life at work and home that I could honestly say to my mom, “I see you now.” I see how you worked tirelessly in your job during the day, in chauffeuring my sister and me to extracurricular activities after school, in keeping us fed, clothed, and safe, and in creating and maintaining a lovely home. So, Mom, thank you for everything you did and everything you taught me. It feels lonely sometimes cleaning the house after all the lights are off in the rest of my own home and, seemingly, the rest of the world, but I take comfort in knowing you were in my shoes once, and you not only made it through but inspired me at the same time. I love you!
