For the last month or so, I have felt “off.” It hasn’t been because of anything specific being wrong or any one thing that I could easily pinpoint, but I could not escape the general feeling of not doing enough, having enough, or being enough. I have officially completed my first year of being a mom to a school-aged child as my oldest finished Kindergarten last week, and thus, have experienced my first true “Maycember.” I, like many other millennial moms, spend a lot of my downtime mindlessly scrolling social media and find myself seeing other moms on socials who seem to have it all together. Moms who post reels of themselves waking up at 5 am and working out, making a healthy breakfast, waking up their children (with such joy!), and then getting themselves and their children ready for work and school flawlessly. They don’t ever lose their s**t when their kids won’t get out the door in time, and they always meal prep to make their lives easier on the weekends. They don’t show themselves taking a nap, or vegging on the couch for a moment of solitude. I think it’s important to learn to ignore the internal voice telling you you are not enough because of what you see on social media. After some reflection, I have found that I am falling victim to what I will now be referring to as the comparison conundrum (trademark pending).
With summer upon us, the comparison conundrum is in full swing. I see people on IG posting pictures of their kids with their “summer bucket list” of activities for summer break. I envy these moms, who seem to have things figured out, and who have summers off or are able to have a more flexible work schedule to spend time with their children during school breaks. My internal dialogue starts speaking to me incessantly: I should do a bucket list with the boys, too, it says, while I drive into work at the hospital to take care of frail, vulnerable older adult patients. The thing is, I enjoy working. I feel fulfilled by the work I do at the hospital, and although I’d love time with my boys at home, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t think about work or miss caring for patients if I were home with them for the full summer. I should expand our vegetable garden and try some new recipes this summer, it says, while I sit outside on our beautiful back deck, writing this post, even though we have a small garden that works perfectly for what we need, and if I am being honest, cooking and trying new recipes gives me sensory overload and causes an anxiety rage every time I attempt to do it. I should wake up early and work out too, it says, while I scroll Facebook Reels before bed and see videos of a “Mom of Two under Six 5 AM Workout Routine Before the Kids Get Up,” only to hit snooze at 5 am the next day because sleep sounds like what my body needs more in that moment.
The internal voice has been incessant.
I don’t have enough. I’m not doing enough. I am not working hard enough.
Social media is a wonderful place for finding camaraderie during challenging stages of life, and for distraction and laughter when the world seems too heavy, but can be a toxic place when it comes to feeding into the comparison conundrum. One of my closest friends completely deleted social media after her second child was born in 2019, as she found that being on social media was causing her more anxiety than benefit. She does not have a single social media account under her name, and says she doesn’t regret it for a second. She is also one of the happiest, most positive people I know. She has a beautiful home and family, and I often envy the way that she has been able to disconnect and stay disconnected in the last 7 years. After realizing that my “blah” feeling this past month may be due to being burnt out from constantly feeling like I am not enough compared to the picture-perfect moms (who I have never met and never will) on social media, I have decided to take a step back as well. The last two weekends, I have spent time outside with my boys, reading books on my Kindle, and getting workouts in when I can. I still enjoy binging Bravo shows and watching the reactions on social media, but have tried to limit following accounts and videos that highlight picture-perfect moms and their lives and, in doing so, make me feel less than enough.
In reflecting, I have realized that if my younger self could see me now, she would be so proud. She would look around at the life I have: a beautiful house that my husband and I were able to buy and make our own; two beautiful, healthy boys that are so funny and love their mama; a husband who is a true partner in life and parenting; and a career that allows me to practice medicine and nursing in a way that I feel so passionate about. Younger Angela would let out a deep sigh and think, “Wow, I did it.”
I am enough.
And that voice, more than the loud internal voice social media places in my head through the comparison conundrum, is the one that we should all be listening to the most.
You are enough.
