Here’s the thing about supporting moms who are enduring infertility or have experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss – our grief journeys are not the same, nor have they brought us to the same conclusions about who we are as mothers. Every mother will acknowledge her pregnancy and child in a way that makes sense to her. Therefore, there is no one perfect gift to give or message to share on Mother’s Day.
The best gifts, the ones that say I see you, will recognize where she is with her grief and how she perceives herself as a mother. The tips below are meant to help you spark ideas. They are just from one bereaved mom. You know your loved one best; follow her lead.
Acknowledge Her Motherhood
A simple text acknowledging the day and their loss can be the perfect gift, especially when it is done without assumptions. Sometimes, those who have not experienced infertility or pregnancy, infant, or child loss may unintentionally put their own fears and feelings into their message. Examples of this are:
- “I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now!”
- “This day must be so hard.”
- “How are you? Are you okay?”
Messages like this are often followed by an emotional exclamation like, “You are so strong. I’m praying for you.” This can make a mother feel more misunderstood than supported. Most Mother’s Days, I am brunching and gardening with the best of them. A message assuming I’m an emotional wreck can make me question the joy I do feel.
Instead, try messages that acknowledge her motherhood without assigning emotions. Here are some suggestions:
- “Thinking about you today.”
- “Wishing you a peaceful Mother’s Day.”
- “Remembering [insert child’s name] with you today. Sending love.”
- “Honoring the mother you are today and every day.”
- “Wishing you a day filled with the moments you need most.”
You might consider sending a picture of something that reminds you of her child. Our family uses the red-winged blackbird as a symbol for our son. Anytime someone sends me a picture of a blackbird, it only affirms and deepens my sense of motherhood.
Offer Practical Support
Think food-delivery gift card sent right to her inbox. Honestly, this is my go-to. Some may feel this lacks personal touch, but on my hardest grief days, these have been the most personal gifts, especially when I knew they didn’t need me to explain my feelings. Here are a few other non-glamorous, practical ideas that can make a real difference:
- Professional cleaning services
- Coffee shop gift cards
- Offering to take her other children for an outing or creating an activity box to keep them engaged
- Picking up and dropping off her groceries
- Meal prep services or frozen meals delivered
Think of Ways She Can Treat Herself
Moms have a way of losing pieces themselves after having children. They need time to rediscover who they are in their current season of life. This is especially true for women who are grieving. Gifts that give her space to do something relaxing can be incredibly thoughtful. Her preferences will guide what feels right, but here are a few ideas:
- Gift cards to a nail salon, spa, or their favorite store – retail therapy is real
- Buy her next literary escape or a subscription to audiobooks
- A self-care gift basket filled with at-home spa treatments, a candle, a cozy blanket, and her favorite treats
- Gift card to a local yoga studio
Consider Gifts Designed for Grief
If the loss is more recent, sometimes a gift specific to her grief is appropriate. I found Laurelbox on Instagram when I first lost my son, and I have been following them ever since. Their page is beautifully done, and as a bereaved mom, their gifts are full of meaning. Etsy also has simple keepsakes that can be personalized. Here are a few of my favorite ideas that I’ve come across along the way:
- Custom ornaments
- Wind chimes
- Jewelry with their child’s name or a symbol meaningful to her motherhood
- An embroidery of their child’s name
- Birthstone or crystal keepsakes
- A custom star map of her child’s birth or passing date
At the end of the day, remember she is a mother too. Any traditional Mother’s Day gift will show her that you see and honor her motherhood.
