Grill It Up! Tips for Grilling Season

Candace Boyd Wylie
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Grill It Up! Tips for Grilling Season

The weather is warming up and we know that you’ll be gearing up for grilling season. The smells, the sounds, it’s all fun and games until you char the burgers and ruin the shindig. Don’t let this be you. Follow the tips below for fun and fool proof grilling season.

tips for grilling
1. When prepping for a day of grilling it’s best to start with a clean grill. The best time to clean your grill is just after your finished for the day. Cleaning while the grill is hot helps remove remaining food residue from the grates. Grab some elbow grease and a metal brush to help with the sticky spots.

2. Flip, but don’t squeeze. When cooking on a grill, flipping seems like the thing to do. Sometimes. Flipping food to create grill marks is fine, but don’t over do it. When grilling meats, don’t flatten them or press the juice out. Those juicy steaks have flavor that will become more developed with the flame. Let those juices run out to help spark the flame, you’ll have a tender steak because of it.

3. Tools of the trade are important for grilling. Keep a spray bottle close to help deal with fire flares. You can even use a seasoned water/vinegar solution to help keep the food moist and keep fires at bay. A meat thermometer will be your next best friend when cooking on an open flame. This isn’t the time to eye-ball or guestimate. Grillingcompanion.com suggests using a digital thermometer to get the most accurate reading of your meat.

4. Let it Rest! Grilled foods will see an increase in temperature even after they’ve been removed from the grill. Allow meats to rest and sit for a minimum of 5 minutes to allow the internal juices to redistribute. Wait before cutting too. You’ll want those juicy steaks to retain all their goodness.

5. Produce can be fun to grill too! The sky is the limit to your grilled meals, fan favorites include stone fruits, pineapple, asparagus, and potatoes.

Share with us! What are some your favorite tips for grilling? Comment below!

A Year in the Life of a Pumping Mama

sarah b
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A Year in the Life of a Pumping Mama

I write this with mixed emotions as my year of pumping sweet liquid gold is coming to a close. I am sitting here in disbelief that not only is my son turning a year old in a few weeks, but the fact that I was able to make it a whole year breastfeeding/pumping.  The past year has been a roller coaster to say the least.

Let’s start way back when my son was just 6 weeks old.  We were lucky that he started sleeping for “longer periods” at this point.  This is when I picked up my night time pumping sessions. At this point I was just storing up for when I went back to work.  I had received mixed reviews on creating a frozen stash, so I just decided to live on the safe side and go for it. After watching what felt like endless amounts of YouTube videos and reading the manual 15 times, I finally gained enough courage to put the weird funnels on and start pushing buttons.  

I forced my poor husband to be there, as I hooked up what looked like a torture chamber to my breasts.  Of course it was trial and error to find the right settings, and who am I kidding, I am still messing with all those buttons, now a year later.  Let’s just say my initial reaction was a complete exaggeration. Moms-to-be, I am apparently overly dramatic and there is nothing to be scared of.  

So, the dreaded day finally comes…back to work.  Sending my sweet little 13 week old baby with his little milk supply cooler and we both head to school as our new norm (commercial daycare for him and teaching 1st grade for me).  Not only was I an emotional mess, leaving my little one, but I was a complete stress ball trying to figure out how to be a pumping mom. How much should I be producing? How long should to pump for each session to be successful? When am I going to fit all of these pumping sessions in? Will I produce enough for him for the next day?  Being a teacher is really challenging to find a schedule. I had three times during the day, and I was lucky that they were spaced over 2 hours a part. I pumped before my little 6 year olds arrived, lunch time, and when they went to special class.

Sadly, pumping made me one of the most antisocial teachers in my building.  Putting black paper over my door window and locking my door three times a day. Although I get a lot of work done during my session (thanks to my hands-free pumping bra), I don’t have a lot of adult time to collaborate or just to chat.  It gets lonely. But, I am so thankful to have teammates and friends that not only gave me advice with breastfeeding/pumping, but support and encouragement along the way. It was nice to have someone to ask those daunting questions every new mom has.  Every mom (however you feed your baby) needs that friend that just says “Stay positive, you’re doing great.”

Although it can be lonely at times, there are always moments where you just have to stop and laugh.  If you’re walking by my classroom around 11:05, you will always hear some sort of screaming. It’s not the scream of pain, it is the scream of terror.  It never fails that a Stuart Little wannabe mouse comes out from the air conditioning vent to torment me for a good 15 minutes. No joke. The first time it happened, I saw something dart across my room.  I immediately started screaming and put my feet up on my chair. I called one of my teammates, thinking she would be able to help in some way. I mean HELLO?, what was she going to be able to do? After all of my high pitch screaming and pounding random objects on my desk, it always goes back into hiding.  

Speaking of other visitors during this time…You’d think locking a door and putting black paper over a window would keep people out of my room, right? Wrong. There was a period early on where my adapter was malfunctioning at my pumping headquarters (aka my desk).  I decided to move my supplies to another outlet to see if that would work, it did for the time being. But here comes someone opening my door without knocking…boy did they get a show! Come on people: KNOCK! Some friendly advice: Wear a cover. 

This adapter issue actually continued and I had to pump in my car 3x a day until I could get the company to replace the part.  I had to send them pictures and video to prove the pump wasn’t working correctly. Just adding things to an already full plate.  I was thankful and oh so lucky that I had bought a car adapter the week before. What are the odds?

Having the car adapter has been a lifesaver, as I started to save time by pumping on my way to work.  Again, I can’t stress how much your life will change when you get a hands-free pumping bra! Pumping in the car was also great for days I had offsite professional development. One of those days I pumped in my car and somehow my pumping bra was stuck to my clothes without realizing it.  [Cue tears as I write this]  Hours later, I crossed my fingers as I drove back to only be disappointed that it wasn’t there. 

There are times I just want to give up on pumping and there are times I just want to sit and laugh at the ridiculous stories that have happened over the last year.  Always getting discouraged on the amount of milk I produced that day or laughing at the milk stains on the surfaces at my house, in my classroom, and in my car.  Luckily, my husband has been my biggest cheerleader, encouraging me that I am doing all I can and not to start freaking out when we have to dip into my freezer stash and laughing at my daily mouse story.  I had to stop to think how lucky I am that I am able to do this for my little one, and all the emotions I go through about it are worth it.

Now in the final weeks, a new set of questions arise.  How do I stop pumping? What if I start the process too soon? Will it be painful? Do I actually have to put cabbage in my bra to “dry up”?  And the Google searches continue…

IMB Bloom 2018: A Celebration of All Mothers

Lauren Palmer
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IMB Bloom 2018: A Celebration of All Mothers

On Sunday, April 29, Indianapolis Moms Blog was thrilled to host our second annual Bloom event! Bloom celebrates the shared experience of motherhood and brings moms in communities all over the country together for a day of connection, fun, shopping, food, swag, giveaways and more!

We’re proud to work with our City Moms Blog Network partners to bring this event to Indianapolis for the second year in a row. 

Thanks again to our title sponsor, Hancock Regional Hospital

Our title sponsor for Bloom 2018 was Hancock Regional Hospital, and we were so grateful to partner with such an incredible local resource for expectant parents and their little ones. Better healthcare for women has been key to Hancock Health’s mission since its founding. We even had the pleasure of hearing from two of Hancock’s experienced care providers, Theresa Lueder, Service Line Director for Women and Children, and Lisa Buksar, a labor and delivery nurse with more than 20 years of experience bringing babies into the world. Theresa and Lisa provided insight, education, and reassurance to the expectant mamas in attendance during our labor and delivery panel discussion. 

The amazing and beautiful IMB team members who helped out on the big day! We love you all and appreciate all you do.

On the big day, a crowd of around 100 headed to Speak Easy in Broad Ripple. The Speak Easy is a gorgeous event and co-working space located right off the Monon in South Broad Ripple, and it ended up being the perfect venue for Bloom. The sunny, warm spring weather was better than we ever could have expected after the mostly dreary spring we experienced throughout March and April. As local moms began lining up outside, chatting and getting to know each other, the excitement was building!

Unlimited tastes of Nothing Bundt Cakes? Yes please.

Our attendees enjoyed shopping and treats for the first block of the event, and we had some amazing food and shopping sponsors for our mamas to enjoy! Our fabulous food vendors included:

  • Nothing Bundt Cakes (unlimited cake samples for all! This cake blew our minds!)
  • Costco Castleton (Delicious light snacks, fruit, and free Keurig cup samples for attendees to stash in their swag bags)
  • Nicey Treat provided a case of their incredible popsicles. Some attendees may have been spotted going back for seconds and thirds, but we won’t tell!)

Bloom 2018 Marketplace Vendors

After getting treats, attendees browsed the fabulous shopping options. We were so thankful to partner with these incredible local business. Our marketplace vendors included:

Motherhood & Parenting Panel

We took a break from shopping for our motherhood and parenting panel featuring three incredible Indy mamas! Our event emcee, Kylie Conway of WISH-TV, led a discussion with:

Erin Barrett, Candace Boyd Wylie, and Lauren Lowrey speaking on our motherhood panel.

 

These ladies seriously brought down the house with their honest, hilarious, and relatable take on the everyday challenges of motherhood. Thank you again to Kylie, Candace, Erin, and Lauren for making Bloom so special!

Featured Speaker

After the motherhood panel, Kylie introduced our featured speaker, Anissa Zajac of HouseSeven Design + Build. Anissa is a local interior designer, business owner, Instagram guru, and mother of three. Anissa shared her story of starting her first business as a stay-at-home mom. She continued pursuing her dreams and trying new things until her Instagram account focused on designing her family’s seventh home really took off. Her design talent was in demand, and she soon found herself managing a booming interior design business. HouseSeven has recently expanded to include construction services courtesy of Anissa’s husband, Brian. Thanks again to Anissa for her inspiring and lively talk!

Giveaways

Our featured speaker, Anissa Zajac of HouseSeven Design, giving an inspiring talk about her path to becoming an Internet famous interior designer and successful mompreneur.

Once the talks concluded, it was time for giveaways! And we had some AWESOME prizes up for grabs. Giveaways included:

Bloom 2018 Sponsors

We have so many people to thank for making this event possible. Other fabulous event sponsors and vendors included:

Swag bags were loaded with awesome goodies from Milk Snob, MAM USA, Water Wipes, Rise Buddy Snacks, Sitting Made Simple, The Urban Chalkboard, Life Refined Chiropractic, Abboo Candle Company, Ballerinas Academy, MaidMe and more! A huge thank you to all of our wonderful swag sponsors.

Bloom 2018 was an incredible celebration, and we are so grateful for the opportunity to bring together our mom tribe here in Indianapolis. Thank you so much to all the beautiful mamas who joined us! Bloom 2019 will be even bigger and better, so stay tuned for next year’s event details.

The Puppy and the Preschooler

amandabalz
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The Puppy and the Preschooler

puppy

Just when I was beginning to get my life sorted out, I went and messed it up again… I got a puppy. To go along with the 4-year-old who already wrecks my house.

The Backstory

My old dog Paige passed away last September from lymphoma. She was 10 years old, and had been “my girl” since she was 3. She had always been the perfect dog, well mannered and low-key. When I adopted her, I felt strongly that I should adopt an older dog because they don’t find homes as quickly as puppies tend to. So that’s what I set out to do when it was time to add a new furry friend to the family.

I tried to fall in love with other dogs, really. I went to the Indy Mega Adoption event, I went to Indianapolis Animal Care and Control. I didn’t fall in love with any of the dogs I met, not the way it was when I met Paigey Pie, and that was the emotion I was after to tell me, “This is our new dog.”

Not Love at First Sight

The Monday after Thanksgiving last year, I got back into town from a weekend away and went to my Mom’s to pick up my preschooler. Surprise, the neighbor’s dog had surprise puppies! Well, better go check them out.

I met the puppies on my own the first time. Four little Jack Russell mutt mixes, all brand new and sleepy. Told the neighbor how I’d been looking for a new dog recently, and that I’d think about the puppies. I didn’t really want a puppy.

A few days later, my son and I were back at Mom’s and decided to go visit the puppies. There we are, snuggling dogs, and it just comes out of my mouth before I can really think about what I’m saying, “Do you want one of these puppies to come live with us?” Uh oh, now it’s too late…. He said yes.

For the next six weeks, my son and I talked about how the puppy he picked would come live with us after it was old enough to leave his momma. The reality of being a new puppy parent did not set in until my mom called saying, “The puppies are ready to come home!”

Dang it, now it’s real.

My Life Now

Pebbles has been living with us for over two months now. Pebbles is a Jack Russell mix, and a puppy, so he is a stark contrast from two old, lazy lab mixes. Pebbles, I might add, is also the kind of name you get when you give a 4-year-old naming rights over a living being.

We’ve certainly had some growing pains. For my preschooler, frustration lies in the jumping and nipping, the toy stealing and chewing. For me, it’s also the puppy bites, but more so the fact that now I must clean my floors on a daily basis.

My son doesn’t quite understand why Pebbles isn’t as well behaved as our old dogs. Daily, I’m explaining that Pebbles is like a baby dog – he is learning to be a good dog and it’s our job to teach him how, just like my son learns things as he’s growing.

For the most part, things are getting better. The dog is mellowing out, especially when it’s just he and I at home. When my son is around, Pebbles wants to play, and the boy wants his space. My son is learning that it’s ok to ask for alone time away from the puppy, though I’m also working hard to reinforce that no, the dog cannot spend all day in his crate just because he’s sitting near you and you don’t like that.  

Puppy Lessons

  • Remember that puppies are a lot of work, no matter how cute they are.
  • Don’t compare the new dog to your old dogs and expect success.
  • Everyone in the family will learn to cope with puppiness in their own way.
  • Hire a dog trainer, stat.
  • Triple your monthly paper towel budget.
  • A puppy will break your dog-loving spirit if you let it.
  • Give yourself time to fall in love.
  • Refrain from referring to the new puppy as “the 15-year mistake”.

Mom Tribe: Myth or Reality?

Ashley Magers
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Mom Tribe: Myth or Reality?

 

I readily admit every time I stepped into a new group of moms, whether fitness or spiritually related, I hoped I would magically connect with at least a few of the fellow moms and that soon we’d be group texting and supporting each other through middle of the night feedings. Embarrassingly, maybe I even envisioned myself being similar to Cady in Mean Girls since I was new to motherhood and to living in downtown Indianapolis. I’m not sure what the mom version of “Get in loser, we’re going shopping,” is, but ten months in, and I’m pretty sure nobody has said it to me.

I quickly realized after family left and my husband started his post-residency fellowship (the reason we moved with a 2 week old), that I needed to get out of the house and interact with other adults if I was going to thrive in my new routine. I’m an introvert, but being a Stay at Home Mom is much more isolating and lonely than I anticipated. The first time I ran into Target solo after having my daughter, I’m positive I didn’t stop smiling because I realized the world was indeed still spinning outside of our little sleep deprived and half-packed home. Since that quick, delightful time at Target, I’ve pushed my anxious self into situations that have not always been as easy or enjoyable as a trip to Target in the name of needing local friends. 

I have spent quite a bit of time searching for groups and saying yes to anything that had any sort of potential to meet new mom friends, like Baby Boot Camp, a Monon Trail stroller group, MOPS, Side by Side-Indianapolis, and most recently a Mommy & Me class at my local Y. As much as I hate small talk, I kept reminding myself it’s where most friendships begin. Some of the conversations I’ve had have given me just what I needed on that day, and I’ve met many fellow moms because I kept putting myself out there on a regular basis.

Tess and I did our first Baby Boot Camp workout when she was just 6 weeks old. Now that she’s older and actually awake during our joint workouts, usually closer to downtown, she works up quite a thirst, too.

As much as I crave forming deeper friendships and to be part of an official Mom Tribe, however that’s defined (I visualize on-going group texts/Voxer messages, kids of similar ages with rotating playdates, moms nights out, and, if it’s a real jackpot, family vacations). I also recognize I’m somewhat of a contradiction because I have a hard time being vulnerable first. My go-to excuse is that the medical journey and uncertainty about where we’ll be living after July 2019 makes it difficult to form deep friendships. But, it’s really just an excuse. I’ve made some amazing friends through this journey, and particularly in today’s world, it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with friends even if you don’t live in the same city. 

So, although I have met many quality women around Indianapolis, I don’t have a Mom Tribe to walk alongside the good, bad, and ugly days. The perfectionist side of me thinks it’s because I haven’t tried hard enough, and some days it feels like a giant case of FOMO when I see other mom’s social media pages. But the gentler side of me thinks maybe it’s unrealistic that every mom is part of a Mom Tribe. Maybe more moms are like me and making the most of various groups of friends, and not spending the majority of their time with one group of friends.

Would you self-identify as being part of a Mom Tribe or do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something because you don’t have a Mom Tribe?

What Mother’s Day Means to Me

Indianapolis Moms
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What Mother’s Day Means to Me

 

Mother’s Day is the day to honor all moms and celebrate motherhood. It’s about honoring the mother of your family, the influential mother-like figures in our lives and recognizing the women for the strong and wonderful people that they are. 

Indianapolis Moms Blog wants to celebrate with you and today we share what motherhood means to us.

Motherhood is an overwhelming feeling of joy, love, happiness, fear and anxiety all rolled into one swelling heart. It’s the hardest job but it the best job I will ever have in my life.  

Kait Baumgartner, owner

Mother’s Day means feeling acknowledged and appreciated. — Arin Schellenberg

Being a mother to me means helping guide my children to become good people who make good choices. That means knowing when and where to encourage them to go out of their comfort zone, as well as when to hold on and pull them back from danger. — Meranda Adams

I wasn’t one of those women that always knew I wanted to be a mom, but now that I am one, I couldn’t imagine being anything else.  Through its ups and its downs, Motherhood is truly the most rewarding job I will ever have. — Lauren Schregardus

Motherhood to me is not about what I’ve given up after having a child, it’s everything I’ve gained from having one. — Lauren Warden

To me, motherhood exudes and illuminates pure, unconditional love. It encompasses such a beautiful, unbreakable bond that stems from a supremely loving, natural, nurturing instinct I never knew possible before having my baby boy! — Andee Bookmyer

Motherhood is sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, 1,000 loads of laundry, hand prints on your windows, but through it all seeing this tiny human solve a puzzle, accomplish a feat (yay for potty training!) or help a friend all on their own. It’s a love so big you don’t know how you ever existed without it. — Paige Vauter

My first Mother’s Day means taking time to celebrate important moms in my life, who have been especially irreplaceable and admired this past year, and to be celebrated for the growth and joy I’ve experienced since becoming a mom! — Ashley Magers

Motherhood is a legacy. The experiences of sacrifice, unconditional love, heartbreak and joy are shared by mother to daughter and friend to friend. It’s a club filled with strong, beautiful women and I’m thankful to be a part of it! — Kim Riley

Motherhood has made me appreciate the moms I have in my life. I am lucky to have one amazing mother and two loving mother-in-laws (one is my husband’s mom and the other is his step mom.). As I navigate raising my own child, I call my mom for her counsel and advice often, most recently as we tried (and finally succeeded) in potty training. I see the examples of unconditional love for someone else’s child in my mother-in-laws. They have loved me as their own even in the most difficult times. I am so thankful for my moms. — Tiff Mertz

Being a mom to me means showing my boys how to love, how to be kind, when to laugh and be silly, that it’s ok to cry, and sharing with them the value of serving others.  They’re my most precious gifts that I have been blessed with and I will be their biggest cheerleader through all the seasons of their lives. — Emily Nichols

Being a Mom to these two humans means so much to me because I am raising two people who will positively impact society. I want them to be kind, I want them to be polite, I want them to have faith and I want them to be aware, furthermore, I want them to know that I will always have their back no matter what! They are the most precious gifts I could have ever received and I am so blessed to be their Mother. — DeAndrea Beaven

Motherhood to me means becoming the best version of yourself so that you can encourage and support your children in to becoming the best versions of themselves. — Amanda Schaffer

Motherhood is celebrating a life and a wish I thought would never happen. Each step, tumble and milestone is a cause for thanks, celebration and reflection. My new wish is to do right by him by giving him the tools to live a life full of celebrations and thanks. — Regan Bright

Motherhood has challenged me to take things in stride, take myself WAY less seriously, truly prioritize what is important, and, above all, do it with a sense of humor. — Kristi Howard-Shultz

Motherhood is the greatest and hardest thing I have ever done. I never thought I could love two little beings as much as I do. — Jen Kominsky

Motherhood is my biggest blessing and my greatest adventure. I learned from the best and strive everyday to become the mother that my mom was. — Chelsea Ohlemiller

To me, motherhood is all about stealing snuggles and kisses from my son while he still wants to be snuggled and kissed. — Andrea Resnick

Being a mama has been an awakening into a timeless sisterhood for me. We are the warrior women who live every day with our hearts walking around outside of our chests! No matter what other amazing things I accomplish, being a mama will always be easily the most important and badass calling I’ve ever answered to in this life. — Brittany Stonerock

 

Motherhood is giving every single part of yourself to the beings you’ve brought to this Earth. Giving away every part of yourself and knowing you’d do it again, and again for these little things. This is love.  — Bailey Streicher

Motherhood is embracing complex personalities to bring everyone together as a family and enjoying the beautiful small moments that make our time together more precious. — Jan Need

Motherhood has made me feel more complete than I knew possible. It’s scared the crap out of me and knocked me down, but made me happier and more fulfilled than I’ve ever been. I am constantly in awe of my son and the role I’m privileged to play in his life. — Nikki Trojanowski

Motherhood means sharing infinite amounts of love and laughter. — Sarah Becker

What does Mother’s Day mean to you?

Happy Mother’s Day, Indy Mamas!

Three Sleeping Tips for Baby I Wish I Had Known

Kait
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Three Sleeping Tips for Baby I Wish I Had Known
Disclosure: Indianapolis Moms Blog received product and payment in exchange for this review; however, all opinions shared are those of the contributor who wrote them.

Motherhood is a plethora of emotions – happiness, anxiety, pride, fear. While you anticipate this new role, when it happens you quickly find out you really know none.of.the.things. And there is one specific emotion that overcomes your soul – exhaustion. My son was an awful sleeper and I remember there were days when I felt defeated and just plain tired. But over time you learn little tips and tricks and had I known these, I think my experience would have been a completely different one. So, let me share with you my three sleeping tips I wish I had known about for my first baby!

1. Create a Routine

For me, I found that my kids craved a routine. We ate, played and napped at the same time each day. Even at bedtime we did the same things – bath, lotion and jammies, and then milk, book and bed. Once we become consistent with it, they knew what was coming and it made naps and bed so much easier. Obviously you can’t stick to the exact routine each day but staying consistent helped my kiddos know what was expected of them each day and made sleep come more naturally into their routine.

2. Sound Machine

Our white noise machine has been a lifesaver – especially since I have an older one that is part elephant. Even during the long winter where my kids were stuck inside the house, I just turned up the sound and my kids have slept through almost anything – including fire detectors being set off because of my husband’s cooking. Our machine is basic and small with four different sound choices and is easy to throw into the suitcase for travel. My daughter is almost 5 and still sleeps with her machine. It’s my usual go-to baby shower gift for new moms!

3. Quality Baby Mattress

I will be honest, my son’s mattress was the last thing on my mind. I mean, of course we bought one as soon as we purchased the crib because I was ready to jump right into the nursery decorating. But no one had recommended a brand or type that they preferred, so I just made an impulse purchase without any really thought about it. However, let me tell you how a good crib mattress makes all the difference! Our favorite is the Safety 1st Heavenly Dreams mattress by DHP Furniture for several reasons! First of all, Safety 1st is known for their home safety products. The Heavenly Dreams crib and toddler mattress is firm and supportive plus super easy to flip and move as needed. The vinyl sleeping surface is a huge plus because it is hypoallergenic, resists stains and makes clean up and wiping it down easy, peasy! This mattress is also GreenGuard Certified which means it meets the standard for low-chemical emissions which can put your mind at ease knowing your baby will be tucked in safely and comfortably. That makes just one less thing for you to  have to worry about!

 

 

DHP Furniture is giving away a Safety 1st Heavenly Dreams crib mattress too! Share with them your best mom advice and head over here to enter soon! Giveaway ends May 13th.

Obviously, I’m no expert but I am happy to share with you a few things that I found helpful for my family. If there is one thing we can agree on as a mom, it’s that we just want our babies to sleep. We’re in this together, Mamas. My favorite phrase is, “This too shall pass.” And while yes, that’s true, maybe I can help it pass just a little bit quicker for you.

 

What sleep tips did you find helpful for your family?

 

Stay-at-Home Mom Life: The Journey Back into the Working World

Andee Bookmyer
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Stay-at-Home Mom Life: The Journey Back into the Working World

Recently I was thinking about how to describe what it feels like to be living the stay-at-home mom life and trying to get back into the work force after five years of being deep, so deep, in the trenches of full-time mom status. Words that came to mind about this workforce re-entry process: “Scary,” “daunting,” “exciting” and “overwhelming.” I’d have to say it would be accurate to picture me caught up in a raging river, nearly drowning, but then people start throwing things at me; you know, like bricks, babies, heavy weights, whatever, and then I’m really trying to stay afloat. 

Now, I am not one at all to delay or procrastinate, but with this giant task facing me, sometimes I have to go exercise or knock a few items off my to-do list or shake off the nerves by staying busy so I can ultimately relax and focus on what direction I want to take in this next stage of life and what career track sounds most enticing and rewarding. It’s like, oh my gosh, great googly moogly, where do I even start?!

Time to reflect

Before having my son, I taught high school English. Yet, being out of the schools for five years is a long time, even if that does not sound long! So much has changed. The education arena has changed. Licenses (as in mine) have expired, and by the way, does Indiana even require a teaching license anymore?! People have changed. Technology has changed (dramatically). Procedures and guidelines have changed. I have changed.

I have asked myself so many times, what do I want? What do I want to do? What is truly my passion now? Things change once you have kids, as you grow older and as your thoughts and dreams evolve. This career reflection process has proved terrifying at times and has involved a lot of mental pep talks to get my mind right. (You mean, my baby is starting kindergarten and I have to go back to work instead of spending each and every day with him, being there for him every moment as he grows up?!).

Yet, it is also very exciting. My curious, adventurous son is elated to be embarking on the next big milestone, whereas I am eager to rejoin the working world, have fun utilizing my talents and continue to be productive in different ways. Work life will give me a chance to put my skillsets to good use, to draw upon my past education and work experience, to be a part of adult interactions (where my first name can replace the endless “Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!” I hear incessantly; although I know one day I will miss that) and to witness work take center stage instead of worrying about the next pile of laundry or grocery shopping trip or toddler meltdown.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have loved, absolutely loved, being a stay-at-home mommy. From the day he was born, I have felt so lucky and blessed to have the privilege to be with my son day in and day out, even though it has not always been easy, or involved sunshine and roses and bacon-wrapped chicken thighs. I will never, ever regret my decision to stay at home with him. But, now it’s time to get excited about the next steps, the next milestone for me. Even though it has been ALL about my little boy these last five years, or six really, since he gave me evening sickness my entire first trimester, it is now my turn to pay a little more attention to myself. He will always take center stage, and being his mom is utterly amazing, but it does not solely define me; it is time to get back out there and get after it. I will still always be there for him, yet, now I can explore what opportunities are waiting for me as well.

In pursuit of the Holy Grail

So, back to the career exploration itself. Wow! It really is intimidating. It crosses my mind every day. What do I want to do? Is a flexible schedule more important now that I am a mom? Or does money seize the forefront? Do I want to rejoin the teaching world where I worked for years before having my son? Yet, I have an extreme passion for fitness and nutrition; so do I go that route? Or, with my journalism background, is there a writing job out there that would be a good fit? Oooohhh, but I love animals, so should I explore that avenue? Or, because I am a people person and very driven and organized, should I try to get a real estate license, because that field sounds interesting? Aaaaahhh, I just don’t know yet. Ultimately, we all want the Holy Grail, the job that makes us happy, doing something we love, making a positive difference in other people’s lives and, if possible, making good money while doing it. I often find myself picturing different options and paths; many sound wonderful, but getting there is what seems so daunting.

When I discussed my job pursuits with someone recently, bless his heart, he suggested I become a door greeter. Yes, he was serious. I had told him I was open to exploring a different direction for my career instead of teaching, and that was his suggestion. Um, I’m not yet retired and I have my Master’s Degree, so perhaps door greeting may not be my specialty at this stage of my life? Then again, I am a people person, and I would rock a neon vest and name tag, so, hmmm…decisions. But seriously, I know people mean well with their ideas, and I certainly do not mean to sound like a jerk. Thankfully, I am reminded with discussions like that how this huge decision is mine to make. It is up to me to make this transition back into the working world happen. And, most importantly, it is up to me to remind myself (and with this forum, other moms), that it IS possible to return to the working world. We just need some confidence, inspiration and a plan to make it happen. 

Moms make ideal employees

I know I’m biased as I continue this career exploration, but I feel like stay-at-home-moms who are ready and willing to rejoin the workforce have SO much to offer! Seriously though, all you moms out there know we have what it takes to do the (fill in the blank) job right. Moms can effectively multi-task and do so many things at once, and we not only do them fast, but we do them well. We can work under pressure and amidst intense screams and gobs of messes with drool or snot and/or Cheetos stuck to our legs. We have carried 20 grocery bags into the house to avoid two trips; such tenacity and efficiency, right?! Tee hee. We can be empathetic, but firm (“Yes, it is time for bed!” “Yes, it is time for that bath!” “I understand you don’t want to clean up your toys, but you ARE going to do it!”) We can be creative, which is not limited to coloring Paw Patrol characters like a boss; creativity encompasses thinking fast and quickly coming up with solutions for problems. We can handle conflicts with ease and even drive around town running errands with little people crying and/or screaming in the back seat, as well as maintain our composure in public while carrying our little people everywhere even though we are sad, tired, stressed, hungry, thirsty (for water…or wine) or irritated. And individually, we can do the job of 10 people. We teach, counsel, comfort, clean, cook, bake, organize, schedule, donate, volunteer, put others first always…you name it, we do it, sometimes all in the same day (or sometimes within the same hour of a particular day).

Boom! Undoubtedly, moms are the total package; ideal job candidates, really. Because we have been doing ALL of this for free, perhaps the most underpaid and undervalued individuals around?! Imagine what we would do if you waved some bucks our way. Woo hoo! Personally, like most moms, I am definitely not afraid of hard work. And, I am certainly a big fan of money. I like it, a lot actually (This mama likes to shop!), and would like more of it. If I actually made a salary as a stay-at-home mom these past five years, I wonder what that would have looked like…

Changing the SAHM perception

Unfortunately, a certain perception exists about stay-at-home moms, like we don’t really do much, or we just watch TV, drink wine and eat Bon Bons (do they even still make those?). One night I missed a call from a friend because I was cleaning up vomit from my sick boy. He texted, “You are the busiest non-busy person I know.”

SAY WHAT?! Oh, so because I don’t answer your call, and because I don’t have an official 40-hour or more per week job, I am not busy? Why is it that some people maintain a negative perception about stay-at-home moms, or any mom for that matter? Believe me, we do a lot, and we should not have to justify that fact, ever. Mom life should be appreciated, not denigrated. And, with that being said, let’s truly consider how leaving the working world for a bit to raise kids is truly amazing. It is not for everyone, and it is not an option for everyone, and that is totally ok. Yet, stay-at-home moms need to know that because they chose to raise their kid(s) at home, that decision is not a career death sentence. We undertook a significant job; raising our children and trying to teach them to be kind, functional, responsible, contributing members of society. We should not ever have regrets; it was a decision we made that should be embraced. We didn’t waste our college degrees or previous work experiences; our children benefitted from our knowledge and life lessons. Undoubtedly, we can cherish that time we had, the ups as well as the downs, and know that we helped shape our children for their future. And that, my two friends reading this blog, is priceless.

Steps to rejoin the working world

Now, I am not an expert on this topic by any means, yet, I can share what I have brainstormed and learned from talking with others. Stories are always more relevant when somebody is living in the moment or has lived through the experience, right? So, at the very least, I think I am qualified to discuss the feelings, mainly, but also the next steps associated with this challenge for mamas! A million resources exist; this is just a Cliff’s Notes version yours truly created for spurring your process, because let’s face it, we all appreciate a little time-saving boost!

1) Make a list of strengths and weaknesses; perform a self-assessment

What do you want to do? Ask yourself why do you want to go back to work? What would you be good at and truly enjoy? Is it money that motivates you? Or do you want more meaning and substance in your career? Do you have a passion for a certain area? Yes, time has passed while we were at home with our kids, and we have changed, but that is ok. Your reasons for working before having kids may have changed; you may have different goals or a different mindset now. You can explore other options. Priorities can change. Flexibility in a schedule might be more important. This is a critically important step; take time to reflect. It’s ok to be scared; you will get through it, but you do need to take time to assess what you want.

2) Do research; explore your career options and interests

Now that you have reflected a lot, reflect some more! Then, get to it. Research online as well as in person (ask questions to friends, family members, anyone and everyone you encounter). Explore, and then explore some more. You are worth it. Also, remember, being a stay-at-home mom indeed makes you an asset. You have options, despite what some people might think. Put in the time to research and explore; truly find what sparks your interest and attention!

3) Network

Contact former colleagues, pay attention to social media posts (people often post about job openings), talk to people in person (again, anyone and everyone; you never know what opportunity might exist) and certainly do not keep your job search a secret! Networking leads to so many opportunities nowadays!

4) Update your resume, cover letter and LinkedIn profile

Take time to update your skills and accomplishments not only before being a stay-at-home mom, but during that work gap. Often stay-at-home moms do various tasks and volunteer work; be sure to include those on your resume and in your interview. Do not shy away from giving a reason as well as an account of your work gap. Renew any expired licenses you may need for the job, or sign up to acquire new licenses. Bottom line: Don’t stop, get it get it!

5) Prepare for interviews

Be confident. Do your homework about the job/company you are interviewing for so you feel ready, sound ready and are ready. Please do not feel bad or embarrassed about your time at home; be open and honest about how you don’t regret choosing to use your talents to raise your children, who are tomorrow’s future leaders.

6) Expect rejection!

Aaahhh, rejection. Ok, so we have certainly dealt with it before (ex-boyfriends, jeans that don’t fit anymore, friends that let us down, kids that don’t listen to us, etc.). Rejection is not fun, but it is inevitable. Just like we do not always view certain people or places or careers a good fit, some people and places do not consider us a good fit (their loss, right?). Please do not get down, and absolutely never, ever give up; stay positive and remind yourself about your goals and your pursuit for a happy, well-rounded life. Never underestimate your value or your ability to contribute! Everything you did for your children stands for something and is certainly representative of your strong values, solid work ethic and beautiful soul.

Yes, you can

Mamas, you CAN do it. This is all just one more piece of the puzzle, one more part of our journey in life as moms. You are enough…more than enough.

 

The Stay at home mom life

Mothering Your Inner Child: Navigating Mother Wounds

Britt Stonerock
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Mothering Your Inner Child: Navigating Mother Wounds

Why are mother-child relationships so deeply influential on the essence of our entire beings?

Mother

What is it about a mama in particular that affects each of us so radically to our very core?

Whether we’ve experienced a mostly smooth childhood with a nurturing mother who radiated love and acceptance, or fell somewhere toward the other end of the continuum and dealt with cold, distant, oppressed, addicted, abusive or even no mothers at all, the relationships we’ve had seem to have a lasting effect on our sense of selves as women and mothers. Our inner child was taking notes.

We watched the way our moms loved and treated themselves, looking for cues on how to translate that into our own self love. We looked to her for permission and validation. Am I okay? Am I enough? We noticed if and when she couldn’t love herself enough to love us the way we needed her to.

The moment we began to see our mothers as humans that didn’t have all the answers but were just trying their best to play the cards they were dealt, our foundation was probably rocked. 

Seriously?

You don’t know what you’re doing either?!

Lord, help us.

Many of us carry such raw “mother wounds” around with us through our lives, mourning a mother we needed but didn’t have, or grieving for the untimely loss of a mother that we did have who was such a source of strength and joy to us that we feel like we’re sleepwalking and numb without her physical  presence in our everyday lives. Unfinished.

Now, as we’ve grown into women and mamas ourselves, some of us have sort of forgotten about the little girl with real needs that we have been (either gradually and accidentally or very deliberately through avoidance). We’ve put our heads down and pushed forward, thinking we left her behind somewhere as we’ve become wives, mothers, “grown-ups”. Thinking she’s back somewhere in Neverland chasing boys and hula-hooping, content to be estranged from us…a wounded, needy monkey off our back. 

But that little girl? That wild-eyed, innocent, intuitive, deeply wise and playful little girl? She’s still with each of us. She was gracious enough to move over and allow space for our other archetypal roles, but she’s still in there and she demands our attention. She needs our nurturing, our acceptance, our playfulness!

Inner child

She’s the part of us that suffers when we stagnate in relationships or jobs that aren’t serving us. She’s the wise little owl that lets us know when someone or something is dangerous and not to be trusted. When we’re creative and playful, it’s her open-hearted innocence that takes the lead and guides us. It’s her bravery that allows us to fall in love and follow our happiness. When we’re feeling small, frightened, unloved or unworthy it’s her deeply rooted fears and wounds we’re responding to.

Children are oracles, teachers and guides if we let them be. They show us what is important, what we need to face and where our hidden strengths lie.

Your inner child is no different!

If she’s been mothered traumatically, or holds on tightly to mother wounds, you can help her let go and find acceptance, healing, trust and love by being the mother to yourself that you needed when you were little. Or by being the mother to yourself that you need now, for that matter.

In being a present, loving motherly figure to our own inner child and regularly checking in with her, we can heal and release the blockages and illusions of brokenness or estrangement from the mother energy that are holding us back and keeping us small, afraid or powerless.

Being the internal mom that we need is deeply healing and can help us better mother our own children with more consciousness, presence and playfulness. 

So how can we develop a more nurturing relationship with our inner child? Here are some ideas and exercises to help you take steps toward building this relationship:

  • Ask yourself what you needed from your mother as a child that you didn’t get: (more focused attention, more encouragement, protection of your boundaries, less outward money worry, etc…?) Allow yourself to grieve these things without judgement. Cry about it. Write about it and burn it or bury it to release it back to earth. Yes, you may have had many other great things and relationships in life, but if there’s a very real part of you that feels distraught by these issues then they are obviously important to you and are not stupid or small. Allowing yourself space and acceptance to grieve these perceived losses is the way you can move through and past them and give them closure. 
  • Put up a picture of yourself as a child and tell her the things you needed to hear when you were little: Obviously you don’t need to go talk to your picture on the fridge out loud for everyone to hear… You can say these things in your head. You can even just save a picture of you in your phone to revisit regularly. The point is to look at your little self and give her the approval, presence and acceptance she needed through encouraging words. Some affirmations you can say to her: I’m so glad you’re in my life! You are brave and kind. You bring so much joy to my life. There is nothing you could do or say to make me not love you. You are so worthy of all of the good things in this life! I have so much fun with you. I am not going anywhere! You are safe. I hear you. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to mess up. I love taking care of you. 
  • PLAY! Get yourself a toy you loved or always wanted, or sign up for an activity that you always wanted to try. Belly laugh your way through it. Softball and hula-hooping are my current practices… still working on getting that Barbie Dreamhouse. ?
  • Check in with your inner child regularly: Ask, “what do you need today?” The answer will come intuitively. Does she need patience, kindness, rest, fun, information? 
  • Encourage her to step out of her comfort zones and try new things and be so kind to her each step of the way like you would with your own children or your best friend! A lot of times when we stall or block ourselves from doing things we want to do but are afraid to follow through with, it is because of deeply rooted fear or uncertainty we are holding from childhood. Give your little self the regular, conscious encouragement to squash those limitations and see what doors open for you as a result!
  • Find an inner child guided meditation on Youtube that resonates with you and time travel to your littleness. ? I was super a apprehensive and fearful about this one but ended up having a pretty amazing experience.
  • Pray for her if prayer is your cup of tea. Pray for your inner child the way you pray for your own kids. 
  • Read books or watch movies that she loved just to reconnect with her: For me, Babysitter’s Club, Judy Blume, Rugrats, Are You Afraid of the Dark? And all the other 90’s kid stuff makes me feel little again. ?
  • See a therapist because you’re finally ready to face some stuff that is too heavy for you to carry all on own, and because therapy can be super helpful and cathartic! 
  • Google inner child healing and find activities and resources that speak authentically to YOU! 

 

These exercises may seem or feel weird or maybe even scary or painful at first, but mamas, I promise you there are much weirder things in this life than allowing yourself some conscious healing. This is not a process of blaming our mothers for our own shortcomings; rather it is a process of radically accepting and nurturing ourselves in the ways that only we know we need in each moment. In this way, we embody a self love and fullness that ripples out to our children and gives them permission to love and nurture themselves fiercely.

My inner child is a barefoot, flower-crowned, fearless, ghost-hunting, dragon-taming, mermaid, faery, witch, artist, cheesy romantic, starry-eyed alien…and I’m finding that through finally accepting and nurturing this blessed little weirdo in way that I need to be nurtured and going beyond the fears and limitations of my own mother, so much new power is being generated from within. 

Inner child

The more we can allow our own beautiful mother energy to carry and uplift us, the more pain we will transmute instead of perpetuate. 

What does your beautiful, spunky, magical little inner child need today?

 

Paying it Forward this Mother’s Day

melissadelk
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Paying it Forward this Mother’s Day

Paying it Forward this Mother’s Day

As mothers we have an inherent desire to give and take care of others. We give of ourselves before we take care of ourselves. Our emotional tanks are probably running on almost empty most days.

Give back and Fill up

One way to fill our tank is to help other mothers and children. Some of us may have extra, unused, or gently used children’s’ shoes, clothes, toys, books that are taking up much needed space in our homes. Even those blankets, sheets, or towels that are not being used but taking up space. We may still have maternity clothes or work clothes that are not being worn.   You get the picture… all the items you may end of taking to a large donation store.

Spring Cleaning

Take a few minutes here and there to gather those items. Then when you have a little more time clean (if needed) and bag them to be passed along.

Below is a short list of donation sites for children’s and adults clothing, toys, books, and bedding.

  • Hamilton County Youth Assistance
  • Children’s Bureau of Indiana
  • Abused women’s shelter
  • Dress for Success

Local agencies in your own neighborhood

You can always ask a director or main point of contact for any of the following locations for ways they need assistance.

  • Your child’s school, preschool, or daycare
  • Local church
  • Local Food banks

Volunteering

Even if you don’t have items to give away, your valuable time is worth even more.   In some situations, like a food bank or fundraiser, children can be a part of the event. These types of events teach them invaluable lessons. My daughter was recently a part of a dinner to raise funds for a sweet child with cancer. She wasn’t discouraged or upset. She asked great questions and just wanted to help.

Please note these are just a few ways to pay it forward. Feel free to comment on this article to help awareness on any agency that may accept items or need volunteers.

In short, if your child can go to bed with a full belly and the love of a family, we are so blessed. Some children aren’t that lucky. Let’s help them and their momma’s this Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all you Momma’s out there! Now go enjoy your month!!

 

 

 

An Intimate Conversation with my Mother

deandreab
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An Intimate Conversation with my Mother

This post is dedicated to my Mother, Vivian, the effortless style star and self-proclaimed introvert. Mommy has been a Mom and wife for the better part of her life. Sacrifices were made, dreams were put on hold and Mommy put her best foot forward in taking care of her family. My Mother had me when she was 22 and my brother when she was 31 and she was admittedly “in a different head space” both times. She speaks of becoming a Grandmother and the feelings of euphoria that every Grandmother feels when you finally have Grandchildren. What I realized from our conversation is that we are the fortunate ones to benefit from her sacrifice, so I wanted this conversation to be honest and transparent (two things that my Mother has never really had a problem being). However, some of her answers shocked me because these are things that my Mom has never discussed openly. I also wanted it to be honorable, I wanted her to look at our conversation as a time that she could open up to me and once we began to talk, the dynamic shifted. My Mom became the Sensei and I wanted to absorb as much knowledge as possible, because everything she said made sense to 36 year old me, even if it didn’t make sense to 16 year old me. I am grateful for her advice and willingness to be open because my Mother, Vivian, has been in the parenting game for almost 40 years, so I know factually she has done something right. 

Mommy are you excited for our conversation?

Mommy: Sure. I don’t know why you are choosing to interview me.

Me: It’s Mother’s month

Mommy: (chuckles)

 

Mommy, what how did you feel when you found out you were expecting Time 1 and Time 2?

Mommy: Time 1: I thought my world was coming to an end, I was only 22 so you pretty much feel that you have to throw your dreams out of the window. I soon found out that wasn’t true, because once you were here I had a village. I had Granny, and my sisters and your Dad to help and I loved you so much. Time 2:  I cried but not tears of joy!!!!!!!! It was a surprise and I had a 9 year old I had no clue what was going on, so to say the least I was not prepared either time.

Me: But you persisted.

Mommy: Of course, I was extremely excited and fortunate to be both you and Stephen’s Mommy

 

What is your scariest Mom moment?

Mommy: When Stephen was about 3 months and he stopped breathing because we discovered that he had asthma. Also one time you were out with your friends, and I had to pick you all up. The police blocked the street and I couldn’t get to you. The scariest thing in the world is not being able to get to your children.

 

In 2016, you lost your Mother, what is the best advice you received from Granny?

Mommy: Yes, that first Mother’s Day was brutal, I was so sad. I miss her terribly, but Granny left me with a lot of advice. The main one is to keep your kids close, don’t let them veer too far off, it is harder to get them back.

 

What is your Proudest Mom moment?

Mommy: Watching both of you graduate from college that was so exciting. But, I think I am even prouder that I didn’t have a lot of problems from you or Stephen which is the biggest blessing.

 

How do you define self-care?

Mommy: Going to a library, having dinner by myself, going to read a book. Being a Mother is hard, so taking some time to yourself is imperative so step away if you need too.

 

 

 

 

 

What is your greatest quality as a Mom?

Mommy: I am a strict disciplinarian

Me: Not anymore you aren’t, you just gave Weslie cake at 10:00 p.m.  

Mommy: That is my answer (shrugs).

 

When are you the happiest?

Mommy: Playing with my Grandchildren of course. They have given me a whole new perspective on life. I also love playing with puppies.

 

 Let me be self-indulgent for a minute, how do you think I am doing as a Mother?

Mommy: Amazing!!! I am so proud of you. You are very forward thinking which a good and a bad thing. I don’t get the need for alkaline water and turkey meat.

Me: Really Mommy….never mind….Thank you.

Mommy: That is new age, but I am always so proud to watch you with your children.

Me: I learned from the best! 

Mommy: Oh Dee, I really appreciate that.

 

Last question which one of us is your favorite:

Mommy: This is popular right now, I plead the 5th!

Navigating Motherhood Without My Mother

Amanda Shaffer
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Navigating Motherhood Without My Mother

If you ask me to tell you about losing my mother the first thing that comes to my mind is that last morning. The aroma of coffee fills my nostrils and the buzz of a busy morning fills my mind. I was rushing to make my first class at the local junior college on time. I distinctly remember not making the trip up the stairs but instead calling up to her bedroom and saying “goodbye, I love you.” She sleepily replied “Love you too, have a good day!” That was the last time I was able to speak to my mother that didn’t include a prayer. This will be my 12th Mother’s Day without my mother, but there are days it feels like I lost her just moments ago. 

There have been many times from the young age of 20 to now being 32 that I’ve wanted my mother to be here more than anything. She wasn’t able to see me obtain my Associates Degree, when I got engaged I couldn’t celebrate with her, and I cannot tell you how many times I thought of her on my wedding day. Even when I think of all of those times I’ve never wanted or needed my mother more than when I became a mom myself.

Throughout my pregnancy, there were countless times that I wished I could ask her about her own pregnancy experiences. In those early days after delivery when you’re not sure if anything you do is right I would have given the world for some guidance and reassurance from my mother. Since my son was born I have said over and over again that I am not sure how my mother did it. There are days when just my son alone gives me a run for my money and the fact that she did it with two premature newborns and a toddler amazes me. I’d do anything to tell her how much I respect what she did as a mother especially in our younger years.

If you are in the trenches of early-years motherhood and you haven’t thanked and praised your mother, please do. If you have, thank and celebrate her again and again. Not just for being a good grandma or a good friend to you as you have entered your season of motherhood but acknowledge those early days and the sacrifices she made for you. Now that you are in it she truly knows you understand and appreciate the weight of motherhood. When you’re having a day where everything is going left pick up the phone and tell your mom one thing she did right. She’ll love to hear your voice and you need to hear hers.  You may not have the chance to do it again. 

When my son was born I would have given anything for just one opportunity for my mother to have held him, even to just have met him. One of my biggest heartaches as a mother to my son is that he will never get the chance to meet her even if it was just for a moment. While navigating my own journey of motherhood without my mom I find the only way for me to personally combat the grief is to honor her with the effort to be the best mom I can be. I remember my mother having a lot of things she had wished she had done and dreams that remained unfulfilled. I try to honor her spirit by following and pursuing my own passions. I am slowly but surely realizing I can only give my son the best of myself if I am not sacrificing too much of myself. If I sacrifice too much of myself at the altar of motherhood than I have nothing left to give to him. I write, I photograph, we take more walks, we enjoy nature. I recognize what fills me up that my son also enjoys and we spend more time doing those things. If mental health and self care are a priority I can stay present and engaged with him easily. He gets the best of me.

And when the pain of being a mom without my own mother gets to be too much, I pull out old photographs and I talk about her to my son even if he may still be too young to know what I’m saying. He will know about his grandma and her big heart and her love for people even if he will never meet her. He will proudly be able to say where he gets the red tint in his hair when the sunlight hits it just right and his empathetic personality. And I’ll keep getting out her photographs until he’s grown and he knows as much about her as I was able to learn in the twenty years she was loaned to me.

A “Motherless” Mother’s Day

Chelsea Ohlemiller
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I ventured into the local Walmart to grab a quick item and was greeted with what seemed to be the world’s largest display of Mother’s Day cards and gifts. It stung. I wasn’t expecting my heart to hurt walking into a convenient store. You see, I lost my mother in July. It’s still fresh, it still stings, and at times knocks the wind out of me. I’ve never had a reaction to seasonal displays at a store. Today was unique, it was a first. Today was different and it got me thinking.

This year I will have a Motherless Mother’s Day. It will be different than any other one I’ve experienced. Sadly, I’m not alone. A simple “Happy Mother’s Day” sign hit me hard and got me thinking. There are so many other ways that women across the world are experiencing some type of “Motherless” Mother’s Day.

Until experiencing it myself, I never knew a simple holiday display could evoke such emotion, such heartbreak. In a way, this experience has been enlightening and eye-opening. It’s made me humble and empathetic for all the women who have walked into a store and had the same emotional response. This heartfelt, “you are not alone”, goes out to all of the women who have, and will continue to have, “motherless” holidays.

This is for all of the women who have lost a mother. For losing a mother means losing a piece of yourself. You’ll never be the same after your mother is gone, and although that reality is debilitating, it is proof that love existed in such a unique and beautiful way, your life is forever blessed, even in her absence.

 

This is for all of the women who are currently, and possibly have been for years, trying to become a mother and are finding it more challenging than they had hoped. Please know that you are beautiful, strong and will find a way. Your spirit and faith may be challenged but your determination and grit will not falter, and is admired by those around you.

 

This is for all of the women who are waiting for the call that their child and blessing is ready to be adopted. May you know how much your patience and perseverance is encouraging to those around you. Your unique path is admirable and inspiring.

 

This is for all of the women who have lost a child, for their lives and hearts will never be the same. Whether you experienced the loss of miscarriage or a child who blessed your lives for years, there are no words or gesture that could take this pain from you. Know that each day you carry on, you are admired, prayed for, and an inspiration to those around you.

 

This is for all of the women who never knew their mother or had the experience of a mother’s love and relationship. May your life be filled with the blessings and relationships of others who give you all you need and desire.

 

This is for all of the women who have the title of Stepmother. May you feel the appreciation and respect of those around you. Your job isn’t easy and yet you do it with grace, love and consistency, and for that, you are one-of-a-kind.

 

This is for every woman who is a mother in a nontraditional way. May you see the beauty in the nontraditional and know that your path is unique, lovely and courageous.

 

This is for any person during this Mother’s Day month that may need love, compassion and kindness, especially those experiencing some type of “motherless” Mother’s Day.

 

To all of you I say: Happy Mother’s Day, whether you are currently a mother, striving to be a mother or already a mother in your own way. This month, be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that while some holidays and times are more troubling than others, you are here, you are strong, and you are loved. I’ve learned it’s ok to hurt and to have a heart that is broken, because hurt and heartbreak come first from love. Love that is given or love that is desired. Nonetheless, it’s love.

 

Love is powerful. It can be inspiring and motivating, but it can also be downright debilitating. It can help you conquer the world and also allow you to feel like the world is caving in. So, on this Mother’s Day, I encourage you to do what mothers do best: give love. Give love to those around you: family, friends, and even strangers. Especially strangers who may be tearful standing in the card aisle.

 

This month, spread love, share love and empower others to do the same. I can assure you there are many people that will encounter this holiday motherless and heartbroken. Whether you know it or not, those individuals need love and compassion more than they’ll share and more than they’re willing to admit.

 

If you are having a Motherless Mother’s Day, my heart is with you, whether near or far, and I’m praying you find peace, comfort and compassion today. We are soul sisters with a painful title, but we will make it, for the holiday displays will fade, and eventually our hearts will remember the blessings more than the heartbreak.

Thank You, Teacher! This One’s for You!

Chelsea Ohlemiller
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Thank You, Teacher! This One’s for You!

An Open Letter to a ONE-OF-A-KIND Teacher,

(Mrs. Morris & Mrs. Griswold, this one’s for you!)

Bless your soul, beautiful teacher! Do you know how special you are? Do you know how appreciated you are? If not, I hope this letter finds a place in your heart and mind to remind you of the talented blessing that you are and continue to be!

I learned this year not all teachers are as fabulous as you. Probably not a shock to you, but for me it’s been eye opening. I’m a teacher myself and have had the privilege of working with PHENOMENAL teachers in my career! I’ve been surrounded by world-class teachers for over a decade, but I learned this year, not all teachers are as special as you! Not all teachers have a natural born ability to inspire children and encourage them to greatness! But you, sweet teacher, you can and do on a daily basis. You are one of those true blessings in the classroom! You fill your class and your students with love, knowledge, inspiration, encouragement and pride!

If you haven’t heard it lately, you are valued. You are admired. You are appreciated. You are loved. Teaching isn’t easy. It’s an emotional journey filled with unexpected surprises each day. Your clientele can go from happy to nervous breakdown with the wrong choice of crayon. The way you handle the unexpected is enlightening! Sure, you have your tough days, but I have yet to see a day where you don’t shine!

Did you know that your teaching, your passion, and your commitment to your students is something that we share with others often? You should. You should know that we routinely sing your praises and tell others of the joy you bring to our child. We brag to family and friends about the blessing you are!

Learning has been made fun through you. You have taught our child endless amounts of knowledge, but you’ve also taught him social skills, self-confidence, faith, and the pursuit for the love of learning. Those things are just as important as the academics you nourish him with each day. Thank you for educating him on more than traditional academics, but on life lessons as well.

I hope you take the time to reflect each day on the type of teacher you are. You should leave the classroom, even on tough days, knowing that you are the kind of teacher each parent prays for and the kind of teacher each child deserves. You have skills and traits that simply cannot be taught but rather are a natural blessing you have been gifted.

Thank you, sweet teacher, for all that you do. It’s hard trusting another person with your child’s heart, mind and well-being. You make it easy to send my child off to school each day knowing that he’ll be loved, educated and challenged. It’s easy to send a child back to school each day when they are counting down the minutes until they will be reunited with their teacher and friends. You have created a space that is fun, vibrant and perfect for our child’s educational journey.

Thank you for your dedication. You are underpaid, but not undervalued. You have one of the most important jobs in the world. Thank you for your endless support, encouragement and journey for growth. Thank you for loving your students the unique and joyful way that you do. Thank you for being the guiding light in our child’s school path.

Thank you for being everything we hoped you’d be and more. You have made an impact that will last beyond this year and we are so grateful to have experienced your expertise, knowledge and passion for education. You, sweet teacher, are one-of-a-kind, and we hope you understand the true blessing that you are.

Love,

A Proud & Appreciative Parent

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